Verbs Anal Salute backfire bake breeze biscuits bake brownies bark bend a valve Beep your horn Blast the chair blow dirt blow dust blow a fart blow a gasket blow kisses blow mud blow smoke Blow the big brown horn blow the sparkplugs blurt boff Bottom blast Bottom burp boom-boom break the seam break wind buang angin bust ass Buttock bassoon Butt burp Butt tuba butt yodeling chemold clear one's throat cleft a boofer colon bowlin' cook eggs couper le fromage crack ass crepitate crop dusting cut a gasser cut a melon cut chedder cut muffins cut one cut the cheese cut the provolone Cut a stinker Cut the wind deal one degas dot'dot draw mud from the bottom of

Your momma's so ugly, she's not bald, it's her hair running away from her face!

A man goes into a bar. He sits down and starts staring at a young punk with spiked red hair, multicolored clothes, and an earring. The punk gets mad turns around and says, "Hey old man, what are you looking at?" The old man says, "Nothing, it's just that when I was in the army, I got really drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was wondering if you were my son."

"Dear Mother and Dad, It has been three months now since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not writing before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read further unless you are sitting down, okay? Well, then, I'm getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormito

1. Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, "I didn't know I had one of THOSE!" 2. Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure you clothes get all wet & soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt tends to bleed all over. 3. Ask Scottie to beam you up. 4. Enter the stall, undress and then re-dress up as Superman. Leap out of the stall, vengefully vow to stop Lex Luthor's evil plot, then run full force into the wall. Stand up, shake your head, and proceed to take your shower. 5. Bring a bottle of fake blood or ketchup into the shower with you. Exclaim "Ow, you know, it really hurts when you pop one of those." T

A man accused of robbing a bank was tried for the final time and was found guilty. Just before he was taken away, the man looked the judge in the eye and said, "Would it be okay if I called you a son of a bitch?" The judge's face went red and he roared, "It most certainly would not! I'd add another two years onto your sentence!" The defendant nodded and then asked, "Would it be okay if I THOUGHT you were a son of a bitch?" The judge was becoming very annoyed but replied, "Yes, I suppose that would be okay. I obviously have no control over your thoughts." The defendant smiled and said, "Well, in that case, judge, I think you are a son of a bitch!"

Dick Cheney had a problem. He was been sued for 200 million dollars. He asks everybody in the West Wing for advice. However, only President Bush has any good advice: " Why don't you take them hunting?"

A twelve-year-old boy received a journal as a birthday gift. He looked at it carefully, but was mystified. "Mom, what's the deal with this book? All the pages are blank," he asked. "That's called a journal," she explained. "You write down interesting stuff that happens to you." His face brightened as he caught her drift. "So it's kinda like a blog, only on paper?"

A man and his wife were cleaning out their attic when the man found a shoe repair stub in the pocket of an old jacket. "Hey - check this out," he said to his wife, "this stub is 20 years old. I wonder if the shop still has the shoes." So the next day the man went to the shoe shop and asked the owner if he still had the shoes. The owner disappeared into the back of the shop for about five minutes. When he returned, he replied happily, "Yup, believe it or not, we've still got the shoes. They'll be ready next Thursday."

A polar bear walked into a bar and said "Can I please have a gin and............................................tonic?" The bartender replied "Sure, but why the large pause?" "I don't know, I've always had them!"

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls. "You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these." "Can I see one?" "Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom . . " All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees. "What? What does it say?" "Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

How is a computer like an air conditioner? When you open Windows it won't work!