Popular Jokes
19. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
21. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
22. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen?
Far-from-thinking
24. What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
25. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking
Pete's at work when he realises he's forgotten to ask his wife, Alison, where he should pick her up after work.
He calls home, and after several seconds, Ali answers the phone.
Pete asks his question, and Ali shouts, "You got me out of the bath to ask me that? I dashed to the phone; I haven't even got a towel over me, I'm dripping water in the hall! Pick me up in the square at 5.30!"
As soon as Ali tells him she's naked and wet in the hall, an evil thought occurs to him. "I'm terribly sorry to have got you out of the bath; ok, see you at 5.30 then."
As he hangs up, he calls to his mate, Mark, and outlines his plan, and starts to dial his home number, then gives Mark the phone.
When Ali answe
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar looking for me and I as
Why should you never ask a blonde to make ice cubes for you?
She'll never remember the recipe.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?
1. How much money do you have?
2. Where can you get more?
3. Do you have anything you can sell?
OBJECTIVE
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.
EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask
EMPLOYMENT
NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/97-12/99) Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
RESIDENT INHALER (9/98-6/99) Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.
A little blind rabbit and a little blind snake met each other in the woods one day and, as neither of them could see what species they were so they decided to feel each other and then describe each other so that the rabbit would know what kind of animal he was and the snake would also know what species he was. The snake ran his tongue over the rabbit.
"Why, you are fluffy and soft and have a wet nose," the snake said; "you must be a rabbit."
The rabbit then ran his paws over the length of the snake and said, "Well, you are cold, slimy, scaly and hard .... you must be a lawyer!"
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