Two boys are playing football at this park in a small town in South Carolina when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend. A sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write the story and says, "I'll title it 'Young Tiger Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal.'" "But I'm not a Tiger fan", the little hero replies. "Sorry, since we're in South Carolina, I just assumed you were", says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks, "How does 'Gamec

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins." "What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets." "Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence", he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation." An hour later, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.

Ghost Stories by I.C. Spooks Rocket to the sun by R.U.Nuts Your Book of Glamour by Q.T Pie The Camel Ride by Major Bum - issore How to Grow Shorter by Neil Down How to Grow Taller by Stan Dup

A blonde walked into a library and said to the librarian, "Can I have some fish and chips please?" The librarian gave her a funny look and said, " I'm sorry, this is a library." So the blonde whispers,"Can I have some fish and chips please?"

1. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 2. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?" 3. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!" 4. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage". 5. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!" 6. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil. 7. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?" 8. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard. 9. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!" 10. Three words: eat the check.

This Is From A Florida Newspaper... A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash,ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor,cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill,the wife went down several flights of long steps to t

A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums. This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk. When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Mister, that's it!! Why won't those drummers stop?! I can't get any sleep!" The manager replies, "No! The drums must NEVER stop. It's terrible if the drums stop drumming." "Why?" "When drums stop... bass solo begins."

This young girl about 7 year old had a dog which she took for a walk everyday after school. Well, one day her dog was in heat, so her father told her that she couldn't walk the dog for a week or so because it wasn't feeling well. His daughter became very upset and cried for most of the night. The next day the father came up with a plan. He put some gasoline on the dogs rear end to hide the smell from the male dogs. Well when the girl got home she was happy to find that she could now walk her dog again. About an hour later, the girl returned without the dog. The father asked, "What on earth has happened to the dog?" The girl replies, "Well she ran out of gas a few blocks back, and is

Rich and Kim, a couple, were in a room when Kim asked Rich if he would ever forget her. He replied that he would never forget her. Then she said, "Knock-knock!" and, of course, Rich said, "Who's there?" "See!" she exclaimed sulkily. "You have forgotten already."

A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl. When she awakens, several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children. The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?" "Fine" says the doctor, your brother named them. She thinks to herself, Oh no, my brother's an idiot. "What did he name them?" she asks the doctor. "He named the girl Denise" said the doctor. Well, maybe I misjudged my brother, Denise isn't such a bad name, she realizes. "What did he name the boy?" Replies the doctor "Denephew."

From an interview with a millionaire: "What is your secret to making money?" "Quite simple. Before entering business I observed that most of the sales profits are generally lost in the handling of complaints and refunds. So I made my decision to try to eliminate these expenses." "I can say that's quite a big task!" "Not for me. I simply started selling parachutes."

You are so ugly your mum has to feed you with a slingshot