Where do cats go to find their tail? The retail store.

So two farmers are standing next to a cow and one farmer says: 1st guy: "Hey Larry, you know how your birthday's tomorrow?" 2nd guy: "Uh huh." 1st guy: "I made a cake." 2nd guy: "Uh huh." ......*long pause*...... Cow: "Hey Larry, you know how your birthday's tomorrow?" 2nd guy:"Uh huh." Cow: "I made a pie." 2nd guy:"Uh huh."

Yo momma is so fat , She uses a pillow for a tampon. ------------------------------------ Yo momma is so stupid , That when her boyfriend said, "Lets do it doggie-style tonight," she sat down and licked her ass. ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so dumb , That she was arrested for taking a dump at a construction site next to a sign that read, "Dump waste here." ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so fat , That when she farted, your dad ran away yelling, "It's a tornado. Hide!"

One beautiful morning, a husband and wife decided to go for a drive in the country. Unfortunately, no matter which road they took, they kept seeing dead possums lying on the shoulder. After several miles of this, the husband turned to his wife and said, "Now I think I know the answer to the age-old question 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'" "What is it?" she asked. "Well," he replied, "it was to prove to the possums that it could be done."

Why were the police at the baseball game? Because someone stole second base!

The day after Halloween, Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candybar one man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Johnny answered, "No, he but he knew how to mind his own business!"

Which animals eat with their ears? All of them, since no animal takes its ears off to eat!

Local cops know you by your nickname.

Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding.

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it, Said he with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!

Three men were at a business convention where they were discussing cars. One man said, "I am an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn." Another man says, "I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." The last man speaks up saying, "Well, I beat both of you - I am a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe!"

Miss Blue(Teacher):"2 x 2 = 4, 4 x 4 = 16, and now, Brian, what is 16 x 16?" Brian(Pupil): "You cheated, Miss Blue. You always take the easy one and give us the hardest."