Popular Jokes
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot call
What do you call a herd of white people?
Avalanche
What do you call a herd of black people?
Mudslide
What do you call a herd of mexicans?
Jailbreak!
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Dishwasher.
Dishwasher Who?
Dishwasher whay I sphoke vhefore I hafe fawse feeth
(This was the way I spoke before I had false teeth)
A redneck couple had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, the man took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
The woman said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam," replied the bellman.
"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
All of the following town names are REAL:
Long Dong (Guangxi, China)
Blowhard (Australia)
Pickles Gap (Arkansas)
Petting (Germany)
Mount Mee (Australia)
Titting (Germany)
Lickdale (Pennsylvania, USA)
Yocumtown (Pennsylvania, USA)
Fugit (Kentucky, USA)
Assinippi (Massachusetts, USA)
Big Cockup and Little Cockup (England)
Cocktown (Wexford, Ireland)
Sally's Gap (Ireland)
Dick Johnson (Indiana, USA)
Beaver Bottom (Kentucky, USA)
Black Butte (Oregon, USA)
Sandy Balls (England)
Tilicum (Washington, USA)
Cockburn (Australia)
Bangor (Wales)
Dyckesville (Wisconsin, USA)
Ballville (Ohio, USA)
Prickwillow (England)
Black Charlie's Opening (England)
Kinmount (Ontario, Canada)
A guy eats at a restaurant.
At the end of the meal, the guy looks at the check:
Salads . . . . . . $3
Steak . . . . . . $10
Works . . . . . . .$5
Cola . . . . . . . $2
-----------------------
Total $20
The customer asked the waiter "What's 'works'?"
"This time it didn't work" said the waiter and crossed out that row.
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope
That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man - as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts).
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120
Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99".
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go sir," he says
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.
The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter
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