Q: Rabinovich, what is a fortune? A: A fortune is to live in our Socialist motherland. Q: And what's a misfortune? A: A misfortune is to have such a fortune.

A rich Texan told the president of the University of Texas, "I want to set you up with a billion-dollar endowment fund, with but one condition." "What's the condition?" asked the U.T president. "I want you to give my horse an honorary degree. She's served me faithfully for fifteen years and she deserves a B.T. degree, a Bachelor of Transportation." The president said, "I've got to consult my trustees. I'll get back to you." The trustees debated an hour until one senior trustee, who had appeared to be napping during the whole discussion, said softly, "I think we should take his money and give the horse the degree." Another trustee piped up, "But wouldn't you be embarrassed to give an hon

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!" The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That i

Basketball hoops are like misdemeanor. The more I miss it da meanor I get.

Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White? A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.

A man walks into a bar and a drunk is sitting there mumbling something quietly. Curious the man takes the seat next to him. The drunk is mumbling, "Looks like plastic, feels like rubber." While looking at something in his hand. The man asks the drunk if he may see what he means. The man feels the object and says, "It does look like plastic and feels like rubber. Where did you get it?" The drunk replies, "From my nose."

Your momma so old and fat when God said let there be light, he asked your momma to move the hell out of the way because she was blocking the sun.

Your mom is so fat her picture fell down.

Yo Mama is so ugly, when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.

Yo mama is so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see the other side.

A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

A young man went to a house to pick up his blind date. The girl wasn't quite ready, so her father invited the lad to sit on the couch and wait. Dad sat in his easy chair and proceeded to read his newspaper, while the family dog, Rover, jumped onto the couch and sniffed out the stranger. Suddenly, the young man felt the urge to fart and didn't know what to do, however, since the dog was nearby, he decided to squeak it out and feign innocence. "Brrroough," went the fart! Dad peered over his newspaper and said, "Rover! Get off that couch!" The young man was relieved. Obviously, Dad thought Rover had done the deed. Soon, another fart rumbled in the young man's guts, and he let it rip, ass