Popular Jokes
The top 10 signs your best mate is actually a secret agent....
1. His shoe keeps ringing.
2. When you borrow something from him, it explodes after a week.
3. When you drive his car, you accidentally shoot down the AA Roadwatch helicopter.
4. Various other items he owns self-destruct within five seconds of being handled.
5. He introduces himself with his surname then his first name then his surname again.
6. The dashboard of his new sports car resembles an airplane cockpit.
7. Commutes to the office using a jet pack.
8. "Where do I work? Uh... in the Financial Services Centre! Heheh..."
9. Asks to borrow your exploding pens.
10. Favourite phrase is "Yeah, baby... yeah!"
"Dear Mother and Dad,
It has been three months now since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not writing before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read further unless you are sitting down, okay?
Well, then, I'm getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormito
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Milby's.
The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No sir," Ear
Did you hear the one about the Polish wolf?
He chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap.
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"
"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.
"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q. How do you keep a blond from whistling while she is skydiving?
A. Make sure she wears underwear.
This is a true story.
This happened many years ago, and was told me by a man with spare time on his hands, who used to spectate in court to pass some of that spare time.
Lawyer - "You say you saw the defendant's car involved in a road accident at the junction of X and Y?"
Policeman - "That is correct."
L - "And where were you at this time?" P - "At the junction of X and Z."
L - "So you were some 80 yards away when the incident occurred?" P - "Yes, I was."
L, in incredulous accent - "So you were 80 yards away, but you say you knew this vehicle had been involved in an accident?" P - "Yes."
L - "Then please tell the court how you knew this vehicle went through a red light?" P - "Because
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