What was the most-frequently used word at the German-German border? "Goose meat". (Gänsefleisch, sounds like the first three words in Genn' se vleisch mal 'n Gofferraum offmachn? in the Saxon accent, Können Sie vielleicht mal den Kofferraum aufmachen? in standard German, which means Could you please open the trunk? )

During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wishing to file a petition. "We have even started eating the grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come on! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey here, and we are not buzzing like bees, are we?"

And the beast shall be made legion. Its numbers shall be increased a thousand thousand fold. The din of a million keyboards like unto a great storm shall cover the earth, and the followers of Mammon shall tremble.

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you." She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up. G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you." So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sis

"Did ya hear I got married?" "Oh, that's good." "No, that's bad! She's ugly!" "Oh, that's bad." "No, that's good! She's rich." "Oh, that's good!" "No, that's bad! She won't give me a cent." "Oh, that's bad." "No, that's good! She bought me servants and a big house" "Oh, that's good." "No, that's bad! The house burnt down." "Oh, that's bad." "No, that's good! She was in it."

A phone rings at KGB headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the KGB?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his fire wood." "This will be noted." The next day, the KGB goons visit Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the fire wood is kept, break every piece of wood there, but find no diamonds. They swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave. The phone then rings at Rabinovitz's house. "Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?" "Yes." "Did they chop up your firewood?" "Yes, they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins." "What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets." "Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence", he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation." An hour later, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.

Q: How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can change the bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you call before 2 p.m. and pay an extra $15, we can get it changed overnight.

Here are some useless facts that you may enjoy... 1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." 2. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag. 3. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. 4. All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20. 5. No word in the English language rhymes with month. 6. A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened. 7. Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village". 8. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". 9. The word 'byte' is a contraction of 'by eight.' 10. The word 'pixel' is a contraction of either 'picture cell' or 'picture

"Two tone paint work" - Original color and rust. "One careful owner" - But the other nine were clumsy as anything. "10,000 trouble-free miles" - Crashed in the last 20 feet. "Heated rear window" - So you don't get cold hands when push-starting the thing in winter. "Very clean" - Only washed if and when it rains. "Lady owner" - The glove box is full of half-used cosmetics. "Clean interior" - All the rubbish is under the floormats. "Immobilizer" - The gear shift comes off in your hand. "Anti-theft device" - I can let you have a Rottweiler cheap. "Drives beautifully" - ... in a straight line; the steering is all over the place. "Low mileage" - The odometer is on its third time around.

What's black and white and played all over? Black and White (the computer game)

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"