One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me, where is this man now?" "Flat on his butt over by the holy water!" the boy informed him.

Three guys are in an bar sitting around a log fire with their dogs and get to talkin' about them. First one says, "My dog is called Woodworker. Go Woodworker!" The dog grabs a log from fire and with his teeth and fashions a beautiful figurine. Next one says, "My dog is called Stoneworker. Go Stoneworker!" The dog drags a rock from the fire front and creates a beautiful carving. Third one says, "My dog is called Iron Worker." He puts the fire tongs into the fire and gets them red hot. "Now," he says, "I'll just touch him on the nose and you watch him make a bolt for the door."

Why don't crabs share? Because there shelfish!

An Irish man walks out of a bar..............Hey, It could happen

Reacting to Federal guidelines, the State of FLORIDA, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the Bush Administration's Dept. of Education, has redesigned and just released a new comprehensive test to be given to all students beginning in the spring of the 2004-2005 school year. In response to President Bush's Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass it to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, it will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test or (FART). All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in grades 3, 4, and 5 until such a time as they

ACURA Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile Asia's Curse Upon Rural America AMC All Makes Combined A Major Cost A Mutated Car A Morons Car Another Major Catastrophe AUDI Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Automobile Under Demonic Influence Another Ugly Deutsche Invention Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW Big Money Works Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster Break My Window Break My Windshield Babbling Mechanical Wench Beastly Monstrous Wonder Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels Beautiful Mechanical Wonder Barely Moving Wreck Big Money Waste Big Money. Why? Big Money Works Born Moderatel

A lady gynecologist, was concerned that she was be being lied to everytime she took her car in to have it worked on. She knew very little about cars, so when she heard the local college was having classes in auto repair, she signed up. She studied very hard and was one of the best students. When the final exam came she took her time and did the best she could. She got the results backand she passed with a 150 percent out of 100 percent. When she got her grade she couldn't figure it out, so she called her professor. The professor told her, "I gave you 50 percent for passing the written test, 50 percent for taking the engine apart and putting back together, and another 50 percent for doing it

I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add to it.

Q: What's the difference between a black owl and a white owl? A: White owl: Who who Black owl: Who that who that

Q. Where do Comedians go if they are sick? A. To the He-He-Mergency room!

Yo mama is so fat, when she put on a red sweater and went outside all the kids said "Kool-aid man!"

Yo momma's so fat she should get cingular on her stomach so she can get rollover minutes.