One night Aggie says to George "Think I'll go to bingo the night George... when I'm gone you make sure the youngsters get in and go to bed" Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted. So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the youngsters come in and get to bed. For about three or four hours, one little boy kept crying and crying, so George takes off up with a split and hits the floor, the little boy cries harder and harder. George sputters out "What are you bawling about?" The little boy replies "I want to go to me own home."

UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. SICK DAYS We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. PERSONAL DAYS Each employee will receive 104 per

Q: How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the brunette, "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" The brunette jumps and the firemen are unable to position the blanket properly. Sadly, the brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. Then, the redhead steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" "Oh no! You're gonna put blanket in the wrong place!" "No! We've go it covered! We'll catch you!" yell the firemen. The redhead jumps and, again, the firemen are unable to position the blanket properly. Sadly, the redhead als

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission. The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, "Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?" "Phew, that one's easy," says the teacher, "The Titanic." "Alright," said St.Peter, "you may pass." Then the thief got his question: "How many died on the Titanic?" The thief replied, "That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people." And so he passed through. Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: "Name them

You're getting old when... your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!" your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor, instead of the police. "Getting a little action" means, "I don't need to take any fiber today." "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Sarah's grandson is playing in the water, while she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is in the ocean. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He simply vanished. Sarah holds her hands to the sky and cries, "God, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not given to B'nai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?" Just then, another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if

What does the turtle do in the Olympics? The hurdle run!

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment!

how many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but I don't know how they got in there!

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap the "Whopper"!!!

You know how young children have that special hobby of always asking "Why?" Well, one day I went to the bank to pay some bills, and my 4-year-old daughter did just so. "Mommy, why are we coming here?" "So mommy can pay some bills." "Why?" "So that we can keep our house." "Why?" "So that we won't have to live on the streets." "Why?" "Because that's what will happen if we don't pay for our house." "Why?" "Because that's the way it goes." "Why?" "Why do you keeping asking 'why?'." "...why?" "You're being a nuisance." "Why?" "Because you got that from your father." "Why?" "Because your father is a nuisance." "Why?" "I don't know, you go ask HIM and then tell me why."