A man called the gorilla exterminator because a gorilla was in the tree in his front yand. When the exterminator came he had a gun, a stick, and a dog. He explained that he would climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until it falls from the tree. "Then my dog will bite his testicles off." The guy suspiciously asked, "What is the gun for?" The exterminator replied, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, then you shoot the dog."

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus; the blonde team rides on the top level.. The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the blondes

Attending the funeral of an actress who had been married ten times, a friend sobbed to the priest, "Well, at least they're together at last." The clergyman looked around. "Which of her husbands is buried here?" "None," said the friend. "I meant, her legs."

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole. 2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized? 3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in. 4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays? 5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.

Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!"

A little boy and his older sister were building paper airplanes when his sister said, "We should stop building planes now and play with the ones we've got. We don't need to waste any more paper." "Why?" "Because if we use too much paper we'll lose all the trees, and everyone will die.." "Because we don't have any paper?"

If your IQ was any lower you would trip on it.

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head & stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"