Popular Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a black owl and a white owl?
A: White owl: Who who
Black owl: Who that who that
Amy was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a game on TV. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this, there's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season tickets."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not bothering to look away from the game.
Amy said teasingly, "Would you swap me for season tickets?"
"Absolutely not," he said, "season's more than half over."
Ok here are a few:
I will try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
Don't flatter yourself. I was looking at your friend.
I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it's really working.
Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go.
If I throw a stick, will you go away?
Warning: I am hearing voices and they don't like you.
Stupidity is a right but you are abusing the privilege.
Your mouth keeps moving but all I hear is bla, bla, bla.
On your mark, get set, go away.
I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
Where is the safest place to hide money from a redneck?
In his work boots!
How can you tell a redneck has been in your backyard?
Your bike is gone and the dog is pregnant!!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
A merger has been announced between the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) and the California Fish and Game Department.
It will be called Fish and Chips.
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling heaven.
For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others
I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press
You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people's stupidity.
You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.
When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
You have no life between August to June.
When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking a
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