The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse We must polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. I did not object to the object. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. A seams

There were 3 tomatoes. A momma tomato, a papa tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato started to fall behind and the papa tomato called over to him and said, "Ketchup!"

Knock Knock! Who's there? Yo da lay he. Yo da lay he who? I didn't know you could yodel!

(I know some people may not consider this a joke but it is still funny, the results at the bottom are funny to! ENJOY!) Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time? Start. 1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________ 2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________ 3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room. 5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7

This is an actual job application! NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YO

A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets killed. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying, "But don't worry, the cat is in heaven with God now." To which the boy replied, "What's God gonna' do with a dead cat?"

A little boy is leaving school at the end of the day. As he strolls along the sidewalk, a car pulls up to the curb, and a man winds down the window. "Hey, kid, I've got candy in my car. Hop in and I'll give it to you." "No. I'm not going to." The boy walks on. Further down the road, the car pulls over again. "Hey there kid, if you get in my car, I'll give you all this candy, and a big bottle of cola. How about it?" "No way! Now leave me alone!" The boy walks on, quickening his pace. The car again pulls over beside him. "Look, kid, I've got a puppy at home you'd love to see. Get in and I'll take you there. You can have all the candy and the cola on the way. What d'you say to that?"

- "Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?" - "Been there, slain that." - "What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?" - "They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know." - "When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched." - "Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chamber floor." - Wench: "What's that sound?" Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding." - "Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!" - "Your hovel or mine?" - "Pardon me, madam, but wouldst thou like to see my long sword in acti

Q: What do you get when a rooster crosses a duck? A: A bird that gets up at the quack of dawn!

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? "Let us prey."

It was a dark, stormy, night. The marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A general stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, good evening, sir!" The general, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said, "Good evening, soldier, nice night, isn't it?" Well, it wasn't a nice night, but the private wasn't going to disagree with the general, so the he saluted again and replied, "Sir, yes sir!" The general continued, "You know, there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?" The private didn't agree, but then the private w