There was a Mexican family living in Mexico. The father of the family wasn't making very much money and he decided that he and his family were going to move to America in order to live a better life, so the family moved to America. The Mexican man didn't found a job there, and his family was starving, so he went outside, climbed a hill, and bent down under a pine tree to pray for God to help his family get through their situation. While he was praying, a black man was coming out of a grocery store on top of the hill. He had a sack in one hand with a wheel of cheese in it. The bag was heavy, and right as the Mexican man was getting up from praying, the bag broke and the wheel of cheese rol

Bob and Joe, a couple of personal injury lawyers, were discussing conditions in the legal profession. "How's business?" asked Bob. "Absolutely rotten!" responded Joe. "How have you been doing?" "Even worse," Bob replied. "I just chased an ambulance twelve miles and found a LAWYER inside it."

Quasimodo, the bell-ringer for the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, goes to the cardinal. "Cardinal, I'm getting pretty old and I'd like to retire, and live the rest of my life peacefully." The cardinal says, "That's fine Quasi, we'll just let the town crier know so he can put out the call to find a new bell-ringer." The cardinal does this, and both he and Quasimodo hear the town crier announcing the job opening. After about three weeks, they are shocked because they haven't had anyone come for the job opening. The cardinal and Quasimodo are down on the steps talking, "Quasi," said the cardinal, "I'm sorry to say this but I can't let you go retire. We don't have anyone to ring the bells if yo

Here's 50 cents call someone who cares

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says: "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then asks, "what is your occupation?" "I'm a whore," she says. The accountant balks and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. That is too gross. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl." "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore & call girl? "Well, I raised over a

"y'know, they made a movie about me once. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." "Oops." "Is that thing called a lung?" "And my mom wanted me to help people." "Shoot! That's the third pair of tongs this week!" "I can't pull it out!" "This belongs on MTV." "No one asked for your opinion." "It's a boy!" "Hey! I can see the operating table!" "Brilliant. Now what?" "I need a lawyer." "What have you been eating?!" "This is all a dream...this is all a dream..." "Mommy!" "Fire in the hole!" "I knew I should've stopped drinking."

A recent college graduate got hired by the human-development center of a large corporation to train the employees in proper dress code and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man who was casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" she said in a scolding tone. "That's one of the benefits of owning the company," the man replied with a grin.

A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. "Jury trial," the defendant replied. "Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge. "Sure," replied the defendant, "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late. A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes. When a

The best way to end a war is to surrender.

boodler---> kind of sounds like Boob blur! and zats why battery fucks boobler 69 times a day.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Louisian