There was a Mexican family living in Mexico. The father of the family wasn't making very much money and he decided that he and his family were going to move to America in order to live a better life, so the family moved to America. The Mexican man didn't found a job there, and his family was starving, so he went outside, climbed a hill, and bent down under a pine tree to pray for God to help his family get through their situation. While he was praying, a black man was coming out of a grocery store on top of the hill. He had a sack in one hand with a wheel of cheese in it. The bag was heavy, and right as the Mexican man was getting up from praying, the bag broke and the wheel of cheese rol

Little Johnny Clever was in Mrs. Gleason's 3rd grade class for just a couple of weeks when he ran home to his mom and showed her a little 3x3 piece of paper. It had the word "Homework" crossed out in a circle with a slash (the very same you see with no smoking signs) "What is this?" The mother said inquiringly. "Its a no homework pass mommy! I raised my hand the most in class. All you have to do is sign it and I dont have to do any homework for tonight!" says Johnny excitedly! 'Well thats a good thing to keep kids interested in the subject and class participation. I bet this teacher's been teaching for quite a while!' thought his mother as she signed the slip for him. So the next d

What do a circus and congress have in common? They are both full of CLOWNS

A man walks into a bar. He falls down, unconscious. Why is this? Because the man walked into a solid bar. A solid, metal bar!

You know you're a Redneck if..... 1. Your child's night-light is a neon beer sign. 2. The only running water in your house comes through the ceiling. 3. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 4. All your kids toys came free with a Happy Meal. 5. When you fill your car with gas, it's worth doubles. 6. You start a fight in a bar and your wife finishes it. 7. Your kids favourite bedtime story is "Curious George and the Electric fence" 8. You and your wife's family reunions are one and the same. 9. The Glamour Shots people give you your money back. and last of all.... You know you're a redneck if 10.The FBI has more pictures of your family

TRUE STORY My first job was working in an office at my cubicle. Unfortunately, they put me on the floor with a bunch of pranksters. While I was doing my work, I saw one a co-worker with a funnel down his pants, trying to catch a coin with it, for fun. He would throw the coin in the air, and then catch it with the funnel. I found this very interesting, so when it was lunch break, I asked them if I could try it. The co-worker handed me a funnel and coin, and told me to put the funnel down my pants, and down my underpants if I wanted. I put it down my pants, and started playing. I caught the coin a couple of times, and I continued for a while. The co-worker left to get cold water to drink,

- When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. - During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you Amway. - He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser." - During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. - He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger." - Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot. - He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger. - He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.

The Redneck Oil Change Checklist 1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process. 12. Clean up. 13. Have ano

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Quickly, God was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. God was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part. Then God said, "Let there be light!" Immediately, the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a large ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, and that he would obtain a building permit and to conserve energy,

You know you are a redneck when you do not speak your first word until your 18th birthday and that word is WELFARE!.

In Clinton, Alabama, it is illegal to molest your automobile. Now how would you go about doing that? And how would your automobile testify against you?