Here are some useless facts that you may enjoy... 1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." 2. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag. 3. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. 4. All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20. 5. No word in the English language rhymes with month. 6. A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened. 7. Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village". 8. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". 9. The word 'byte' is a contraction of 'by eight.' 10. The word 'pixel' is a contraction of either 'picture cell' or 'picture

How To Easily Clean A Cat 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash and ri

George W Bush wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality. When the stamps were released, Bush heard complaints that the stamps were not sticking properly, and he become furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter. The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Bush. He said, "Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"

What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad? One says "Ribbit ribbit" and the other says "Rubbit rubbit".

This is the epitaph on the gravestone of an army mule: Here lies Maggie, who in her time kicked two colonels, four majors, ten captains, twenty-four lieutenants, forty-two sergeants, four hundred eighty-six privates, and one bomb.

how many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but I don't know how they got in there!

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and how the letters are used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed! {A} Almost Boobs . . . {B} Barely there. {C} Can't Complain! {D} Dang! {DD} Double dang! {E} Enormous! {F} Fake. {G} Get a Reduction. {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up.

New Rules New Rules Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retir

Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly check-up. When it was finished, she asked her gynecologist how everything was. He said he was pleased and that she was in great shape, and that she was pregnant. "No way!" she exclaimed, but he assured her she was most definitely pregnant. She stormed out of the examining room, grabbed the receptionist's phone and dialed the private line in the Oval Office. When Bill answered the phone, she shouted, "I can't believe it! I'm pregnant! You got me pregnant!" The president didn't say anything, and she screamed, "Didn't you hear me?? I'm pregnant! You got me pregnant!" Hesitantly, the president asked, "Um...who IS this?"

A woman and her goose walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "Why'd you bring the pig in the bar?" The woman answered, "I do believe this is a goose!" The bartender says, "I was talking to the goose!"

What's the difference between a prostitute, your mistress and your wife? The prostitute says, "Are you done yet?" Your mistress says, "You're not done yet!" And your wife says, "Beige, I think we ought to paint the ceiling beige."

1. You don't like newbies. 2.You are #1 on this website. 3. You pretend to know everything. 4. You dislike AC3P1L07 5. You nail people for doing what you did. 6. You yell DUPE if someone you don't know posts anything. 7. Coincidently you only report it if it really is. 8. You received a message from AC3P1L07 saying to f*** off 9. AC3P1L07 hates you. 10. Your user name is ANCHMIKE SO PISS IN SOMEONE ELSES CERIAL, I AM NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH.