Popular Jokes
This was set up by Google. Enjoy!
Please do the following:
1. Open Google.
2. Type "failure".
3. Click: I'm Feeling Lucky.
4. Enjoy!
It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.
At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."
"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.
In my college dorm we had one of those irritating type guys who was born with more money than most of us could ever dream of earning, and naturally we resented his Porsche, his boat, and the women who hung all over same. The guy went out of his way to remind us all about his money, car, and especially the women. Most of us were 2 and 3 to a dorm room, but he had a room all to himself at the end of the hall in the dorm.
So........ when he took off for an extended weekend, a bunch of us theatre department freaks went to his door, removed the doorknob, plastered over the entire wall at the end of the hall, nailed up new wood molding, painted the entire hallway a new color and changed all the re
Every year the class of Ms. Marquez has a class urine contest. The goal is to be the one to pee the most. If you do, you win. There are four contestants. One is from Japan, another is from the United States, the next is from Mexico, and the last, but definitely not the least, is from the Philippines.
The Japanese filled a gallon with urine. The audience clapped. The American filled five big tanks of urine. The audience clapped and shouted. The Mexican filled five big tank and a gallon with urine. The audience clapped, shouted, and danced. Here is the Filipino. When th Filipino finished his turn, there were no one who clapped, shouted, nor danced, because the whole classroom was filled with
Knock, knock, knock! Who's there? Faith, here's an English tailor come hither for stealing out of a French hose. Come in, tailor. Here you may roast your gooses.
"I never forget a face. However, in your case, I'll
be glad to make an exception."
-Groucho Marx
Jon and Adam are in a mental institution. This place has an annual contest, where they pick two of the best patients and give them two questions. If they get them correct, they are deemed cured and are free to go.
Jon is called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understands that he would be free if he answers the questions correctly. The doctor says, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon answers, "I'd be half blind, doc."
"That's correct. What if I poked out both of your eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind." The doctor got up, shook his hand and told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, while the doctor is filling out the paperwork, Jon mentions the ex
A local psychic hotline opened up a new number especially for frogs, called "The Psychic Frog-line." A frog called, wanting to know his future.
"You will meet a beautiful young girl," predicted the psychic.
"This is great!" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party? At the pond?"
"No," replied the psychic. "Next semester in a biology class."
A mom was out walking with her 4 year old daughter. the child picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The mother asked her not to do that.
"Why?"
"Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs."
At this point, the child looked at her mom with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," the mom was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a mommy."
"Oh."
They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but the child was evidently pondering this new information.
"I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the dad
A trucker has just turned a corner on a deserted roadway and was proceeding to change lanes when a blonde in a speedy corvette cut right in front of him almost making him get run off the road. Enraged the trucker sped up and overtook the blonde then forced her to slow down. When the blonde finally stopped the trucker stepped out of his truck, went over the to corvette and yanked the blonde out.
He then drew a circle with a piece of chalk he had around the blonde.
"If you step outside of this circle, I will kill you. You hear? You just stay right there missy," said the Trucker.
The trucker went to his truck and grabbed a wooden bat. He smashed the corvettes windows in and knocked off the rea
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