A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000." "That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?" "S

3 men were being interviewed for a position for the FBI. The interviewers needed to know the men were going to be loyal to the FBI until the very end. So they set up a little test. They put each of the 3 men's wives in the room. They sent the first man in with a gun, and told him to kill his wife. A few minutes later the man comes out crying. He says, "I just can't do it. I love her." He gives back the gun. They send the second man in and he comes out crying a few minutes later, hands back the gun, and says, "We've had too many good years. I just can't kill her. I'm sorry." So finally they send in the third applicant. They listen closely to the door and try to see if this man will succeed. T

Take your income and add 10%

Q. How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Only one, but he has to do it while you're eating dinner.

Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker? He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination but knocks on the door when it gets there.

What did the Lawyer name his daughter? Answer: Sue

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?" "Yes," the grandpa replied. "Did God make you, too?" "Yes," the grandpa said. "Well," the little girl said, while running her fingers down his wrinkles and looking at his thinning hair, "He sure is doing a better job nowadays."

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me!" "Why not?" he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead." The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another." She says, "No, I'm definitely dead." He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?" "Because nothing hurts."

Great Chicken Recipe: When I found this recipe I thought it was perfect for those who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is cooked thoroughly but not dried out. Give this a try. Baked Stuffed Chicken 2-3 kg chicken 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing 1 cup uncooked popcorn salt & pepper to taste Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan in the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's ass blows out of the oven door and flies across the room, the chicken is done.

- Nice Set of Floppies! - Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU. - I'd like to play on your laptop. - Need me to unzip your files? - If you were an ISP, I'd dial you all day long! - I'd like to boot up your PC! - I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen! - I've got a 21 inch... (monitor) - I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video... - Your homepage or mine?

What is another word for Thesaurus?

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, ''You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?'' ''What, my dear?'' she asked gently. ''I think you bring me bad luck.''