These are my pet peeves in no particular order. 1. People who insult my friends. You trash talk my friends you can't hang around me it is that simple. 2. You are talking on a cell phone not a boombox, so pick a RING not a SONG! 3. Read my rant on Darkness. It's on the blog right before this one. 4. People who try and open a locked car door at the same time you are pressing the unlock. And they keep doing it over and over. For heaven sakes DAD, (I mean people who do this. lol) 5. People who drive fansy sports cars, and they obviously think they are cool cuz they speed up and slow down quickly and change lanes in front of you. My FORD EXPLORER can and will crush your stupid uncool as

During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm dropping this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No, sir," a student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver coin won't dissolve." "Because if it would, you wouldn't have dropped it in!"

Fruit Cake Recipe 1 c water 1 c butter 4 lg. eggs 1 btl WHISKEY 8 oz mixed nuts 1 tsp. salt juice of one lemon 1 c brown sugar 2 c dried fruit 1 tsp baking powder Sample whiskey to check quality. Take a large bowl. Re-sample whiskey to ensure it is of the highest quality. Pour one cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one tsp. of sugar and beat again. Make sure whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn on the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl, chuck in the dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If fried druit gets stuck in beaterers, pry loos with a drewscriver. Sample whiskey to check for tonsiscency. Next sift t

"Apparatus" is a fancy word for thingy.

In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. Dr. Seuss coined the word "nerd" in his 1950 book "If I Ran the Zoo." It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun. The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year. The Bible has been translated into Klingon. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined. Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California. Average lifespan of a major league baseball: 5 pitches.

Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can. Internationally, Baywatch is the most popular TV show in history. Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

Age 6 - I've learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more. Age 8 - I've learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose. Age 10 - I've learned that you should never jump out of a second story window using a sheet for a parachute. Age 11 - I've learned that if you want to get even with someone at camp, you rub their underwear in poison ivy. Age 13 - I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up. Age 16 - I've learned that when my parents are in a bad mood, it's best to agree to everything they say or things get nasty.

Age 27 - I've learned that I should never praise my mother's cooking when I'm eating something fixed by my wife. Age 30 - I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 31 - I've learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little "do not remove" tags from pillows. Age 42 - I've learned that marrying for money is the hardest way of getting it. Age 52 - I've learned that if you like garlic salt and Tabasco sauce you can make almost anything taste good. Age 53 - I've learned that after age 50 you get the furniture disease. That's when your chest falls into your drawers.

Every day the same old thing Essays, reading, handwriting I do it all while sitting here With a very tempting computer near. I try to ignore the silent plea "Please, surf the net on me" I, for a while I ignore the call By writing a paper on the Taj Mahal. But inevitably It gets to me I shove my work out of the way (Don't worry I'll do it another day). The screen savers gone when I click on the mouse A happy blue glow fills up the house I open the Internet, "Whoopitydee" I yell (there are 5 new emails for me). When I've replied I surf the net Is there anything exciting? You bet! I'll do this while the sun fades away Marking the end of another long day But I will not notice, oh no not m

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? Somebody's fixin' to lose them a house trailer.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.