One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns. H

Yo Momma is like a TV; Even a 4 year old could turn her on.

Yo Momma so poor she found a ciagarette on the ground and said, "Honey, we got a fire tonight!"

One day a blonde and her boyfriend went to a car store. He asks her what car she wants but she says, "I dunno." So he takes her around to all the car shops and she says, "I want the BMW." He asks her why she wants a BMW and she says, "Because I dunno how to spell the other brands!"

You are not as stupid as you look. That would be impossible.

"What shall we play today?" Cori asked her best friend Judy. "Let's play 'school'!" said Judy. "Okay," said Cori, "But I'm going to be absent."

A blonde and a brunette have been fighting for over an hour about the sun. The brunette yells,"THE SUN IS A STAR!!!" The blonde yells,"NO IT'S EVERYONE IN THE WORLD'S FARTS!" The brunette says to the blonde,"Girl, you couldn't play any stupider!" Shocked, the blonde says in reply,"Who's playing?"

Yo momma so old, she was at the afterparty when Moses brought down the Ten Commandments.

Yo momma so stupid, when Moses brought down the Ten Commandments, she said, "Where's the ketchup?" HINT:commandments condiments

This guy comes walking out of a store carrying a big grandfather's clock. A drunk man bumps into him and the guy drops the clock and smashes it all to hell. The guy says, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"

Yo Momma so ugly, she walks down the street and a little boy says,"look Mommy, there's Shrek!"

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing happens." "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens." "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old. "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6:30." Exasperated, the 60-year-old s