HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE? "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." Wendy, age 8. "Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Arnold, age 10. "All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." Shem, age 8. CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE "One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6. ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9. REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE "Love is the most important thing in

Signs of Aging Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere. Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. You get winded playing chess. You're still chasing women but can't remember why. You look forward to a dull evening. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..." You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. Your knees buckle, but your belt won't. You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

Signs of Aging You just can't stand people who are intolerant. The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off. You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm. Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by. The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. Your children begin to look middle-aged. You've finally reached the top of the ladder only to find it's leaning against the wrong wall. Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the wa

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television." Jill, age 6. "Love is foolish.....but I might try it sometime." Floyd, age 9. "Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place...we were behind a tree." Carey, age 7. THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER "Sensitivity don't hurt." Robbie, age 8. SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU "Shake your hips and hope for the best." Camille, age 9. "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." Manuel, age 8. HOW CAN YOU TELL IF ADULTS EATING DINNER IN A RESTAURANT ARE

I use to eat natural foods, but then I found out that 65% of all people die of natural causes.

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this." A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration." The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again." The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender sa

Sadly I will never be able to join a nudist colony..=[ My mother always told me not to point!! =]

This is a true story. Last year my teachers all believed in the, "There is no stupid question" thing, until we started talking about a three day trip our class was going to take. We had just finished talking about room arrangements. My teacher asked for any questions, stating his famous line, "There are no stupid questions." A girl raised her hand and asked, "Are guys allowed to bunk with us?" He now has a new fave line, "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."

1971. Tom Workman, former NBA-ABA basketball player: "They tell you to join the NBA and see all the big cities: New York with all the lights, San Francisco with its nightlife, San Diego's sunshine. They also say join the ABA and see the U.S.A. Unfortunately, I found this included Steubenville, Ohio; Amarillo, Texas; Elko, Nevada; Cedar City, Utah; and Biloxi, Mississippi." 1966. Jim Camp, George Washington football coach, on why he doesn't use a lonely end: "We train by a parkway, which runs beside a river. If we had a lonely end, he either would be hit by a car or drown." 1976. Hugh Campbell, football coach at Whitworth College in Spokane, Wash., after his team had defeated Whitman 70-30:

1986. Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." 1991. Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." 1976. Greg Buttle, New York Jet linebacker, explaining his contractual obligations: "They pay me to practice. Sundays I play for free." 1996. Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." 1991. Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son's reaction after

1992. Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." 1996. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." 1981. Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." 1976. Alex Hawkins, recalling his playing days against Dick Butkus: "Whenever they gave him the game ball, he ate it." 1966. Darre