A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home wearing only a flimsy negligee. As she walked, she would flip up her nightgown at people and say, "Supersex!!" She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

A man goes to school and learns stuff.

The Perfect Halloween Costume A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please fin

One day a blonde and her brunette friend were listening to music together. The brunette had a few songs the blonde loved and so the brunette offered to burn a CD for her friend. "No, no," the blonde said, "I can burn my own CD" so the brunette lent the blonde the CD and they both went home. The next day the brunette went over to the blonde's house and saw lots of fire engines and smoke and a smoldering lump where the blonde's house had been. The blonde was off to the side looking angry. When she saw the brunette she stomped over and asked, "how exactly do you burn your CDs, because I tried using matches and it so did not work!"

Throwing acid is wrong - in some people's eyes

I know that most jokes about women involve the fact that they are not as "smart" as men and they cannot do two things at once. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have never met a woman, no matter what age, who cannot multi-task, all women can multi-task. They talk and piss you off at the same time!

There was once a very very stupid farmer in Texas. The farmer decided he wanted to raise chickens, so he bought a standard gross of chicks. He planted the chicks in the field, watered them regularly, but nothing happened. He was a persistent type, though, so he bought another gross of chicks and planted them and cared for them - still nothing. Finally he decided he needed professional help, so he wrote a letter to the Texas A & M extension service, explaining exactly what he'd done in detail and asking for their advice. About two weeks later he received a letter from A & M, and read it: "Mr. X, we are unable to diagnose your problem without further information. Please send a soil s

What's a specimen? An Italian astronaut!

What's a bigamist? A heavy fog in Naples!

What's bigotry? What you find in an Italian forest!

A family had lived in Brooklyn for three years, and their eight-year-old son had attended a Brooklyn public school for the past two years. The people of Brooklyn are renowned for their unusual, if not unique, manner of speaking, and the two years of school had given the young fellow an accent that would be recognizable anywhere in the English-speaking world. The parents were concerned about this, for they were from Virginia, and did not think it proper that their son should speak in such a manner...excuse me, mannah. They were well-to-do, so they imported a nanny from their home state, with instructions to Get The Brooklyn Out Of That Boy's Mouth. Saturday morning, the nanny took the lad

To find the inverse of a function, you reverse the process. To find the inverse of putting on your socks and shoes, how do you start? Socks first!