Virgin Mobile wanted to sponsor the national team. SAFA (South African Footballing Association) refused to let it happen. They said, "How will it look if the team has Virgin written on their shirts when they get f****d up every other weekend?"

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

A sandwich walked into a bar and asked for a pint. The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve food."

If at first u dont suceed Fuck the world and smoke some weed

Today I was thinking to myself, how would my life be different if I was born one day earlier. I said nothing would change except I would have asked myself that yesterday.

A black man dies on Halloween; he is sent to purgatory for a year. On the next Halloween, the man sees angels and God. He asked God if he is going to get wings and become an angel. God says, "No nigga, you are going to be a bat."

A college professor, an avowed atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall. Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." His countdown got down to the last couple of minutes, when a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the professor, and hit him full force in the face and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform. The profe

cluckedy fuck, place your order Comment from the Editor: This is an extremely stupid joke and I would advise everyone to give it 0 smileys so that we can rid this world of stoners writing jokes!!

One night a little boy was left alone at home for the weekend. Before leaving his mother told him, "if you get scared put your hand under bed and let the dog lick your hand. Then you will know you are safe." So during the night the little boy heard a drip drip drip sound. He got very scared and put his hand under his bed and his dog leicked his hand. He then felt better. A little later he heard the drip drip drip sound again. The boy once again put his hand under his bed and allowd his dog to lick it. He then felt safe. About five minutes later the little boy heard the drip drip drip sound once again. Instead of putting his hand under his bed he got up and went and looked in the bathroom. T

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back! Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she ran away from the ball! Why was it hot after the basketball game? Because all the fans were gone! Why is tennis such a noisy game? Because everyone raises such a racket! What did the grape do when he got squashed? He gave out a little whine! What kind of key doesn't fit into a keyhole? A keyboard key! How do you stop meatballs from drowning? Put them in gravy boats. What is the demons' favorite TV sitcom? Friends. Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin. What did

Beans, beans, good for the heart. The more you eat, the more you fart. The more you fart, the better you feel. So eat some beans with every meal.

Yo Momma's so ugly, the neighborhood kids dressed up as her for Halloween.