Category Jokes -
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?"
"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.
"Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.
"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."
There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells, "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."
The second professor says, "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."
The first professor says, "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his fathe.r) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."
The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad," and runs off.
The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to h
Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country. I wonder what it means...
1. Grab a calculator. (You won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer?
An American, a Japanese and an Iraqi were walking together. The American put his hand near his mouth and started speaking; after he finished the Iraqi asked him what he was doing, and the American said, "We put microphones in our hands and speakers in our ears so that we can make phone calls without the need to carry a mobile phone."
Then the Japanese started talking, and after he finished the Iraqi said to him, "You didn't put your hand near your mouth, how did you speak?" The Japanese said, "We put the microphones in our teeth so that we can speak hands-free."
Then the Iraqi picked up a paper from the ground and swallowed it, and both the American and the Japanese asked him about what he
An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese went to try their echo; the American said, "Good morning," and the echo came back, "Good morninginginging." Then the Frenchman said, "Bon jour," and the echo came back "Bon jourjourjour."
Then the Chinese said, "Chang chiong shang zhang hu," and the echo came back, "Whatwhatwhatwhat?"
Three people had been sentenced to be put in jail for ten years, and they asked each one of them to say one thing that he wants to have with him in the chamber.
The first one said, "I want you to put 1 ton of steak with me," so they did and they locked the chamber; then the second one said, "I want a rack full with the best wines in the world," so they put it in his chamber and locked it; the third said, "I want 1000 packets of cigarettes," so they put it in the chamber and locked it.
After the ten years are over, they unlocked the first chamber, and the man came out with big belly and said, "That was delicious." Then they unlocked the second chamber, and the man came out and he can barely s
Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.
I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was
Two robbers from Puerto Rico felt that the police were getting hot on their trail, so they decided to move far away to Montreal and continue their life of crime in the new city. Unfortunately they just did not quite understand winter.
They were arrested the morning after their first break-in. The police just followed their footsteps in the snow from the store to their house...
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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