Category Jokes -
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Surfing in Nebraska.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The c
Questions that have Confused humankind!!
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a
An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini -
"I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed.
"Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied.
"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says.
"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!"
"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he stated.
"NO! Get away from me!"
"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he offered.
She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and said, "I said NO!"
"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he claimed.
She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough...and $500 IS a lot of money....
"Well, OK...but only for a
IBM and IBC combine to create the perfect computer for financial management. Here's the headline on the weekly paper.
IBM: Do You?
Question: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Answer: Elephino
(Hell-if-I-know)
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
I seen a commercial on T.V for a pill that helps with ED (erectile deficency). As one of the side effects the announcer said "If you experience an erection for longer than four hours call your doctor." I thought call my doctor?? If I have an erection for more than four hours I am calling Ripley's Believe it or Not!!.
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