During work Mike and John are chatting, Mike: "I've been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week." John: "Oh!" Mike: "For example, do you know who Graham Bell is?" John: "No." Mike: "He is the inventor of the phone in 1876. If you take night courses you would know this." The next day the same discussiontook place: Mike: "Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?" John: "No." Mike: "He is the author of "The 3 Musketeers". If you took night courses you would know this." The next day, once again: Mike: "And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?" John: "No." Mike: "He's the author of "Confessions", if you took night courses you would know this." Now this time Jo

What is the one thing you get at a wedding and cannot give back no matter how much you despise and hate it? IN-LAWS!

Confucius say... ~He who value skin does not wash cat

There are four people on a plane. a guy from england, a guy from france, a guy from texas, and a guy from mexico, all of a sudden the plane starts falling out of the sky. The pilot says "We a losing altitude we need to get rid of some weight. So they throw everything out of the plane, but its still falling. So the english guy says" for the queen" and jumps out, the french guy says" vi va la france" and jumps out. The texan say "for the alamo" he grabs the mexican and throws him out.

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long) 2) Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.) 3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection) 4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this) 5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. (everyone knows grandma has more money) 6) Thou shall not get into fights. (Cat fight anyhow...just start them.) 7) Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off) 8) Thou shall not strip in class. (Hooters pays more) 9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "just do it") 10) Thou s

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson. "I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A" All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple". "Very good", said the teacher, "now B". Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball". This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? A: I don't know, I've never seen either. Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? A: (1)No mind (2)No business

Bill and Tim are out one day test driving cars. They happen to pull up to the same stop light side by side. Bill yells out his window, "HEY TIM, Corvette?" Tim yells back "YUP THIS IS A CORVETTE" Tim yells again "HEY BILL, Audi?" Bill jumps out of his car pulls up his shirt, points to his belly button and says, "Nope! I got an INNY!"

This summer, I went on a trip to Houston. I needed to go really badly, so I stopped behind a tree. A minute later, I darted out being chased by a hungry squirrel. He wanted some nuts.

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity. (Source: Outside Magazine) Grand Canyon National Park... Was this man-made? Do you light it up at night? I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom - where is it? So where are the faces of the presidents? Everglades National Park... Are the alligators real? Are the baby alligators for sale? Where are all the rides? What time does the two o'clock bus leave? Denali National Park (Alaska)... What time do you feed the bears? Can you show me where the yeti lives? How often do you mow the tundra? How much does Mount McKinley

Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll! WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out :) 1: Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think!" 2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets. (This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!) 3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - "are you sure?" (Not recommended at Biker Bars) 4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying "blah, blah, blah, blah". 5: Sit in your front yard point

Stressed out...try some of these relaxing tidbits :) 1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out. (This one is great to teach nieces and nephews!) 2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill. (Even better to call after doing it and say you didn't authorize it and want to know what the hell is going on!) 3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. (This one keeps cats and men occupied for a while.) 4. When someone says "Have a nice day" tell them you have other plans. (Like going the store to stock up on ammunition maybe?) 5. Get a box of condoms. Wait in line at the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are. (And if she's cute, always as