Two Arab fathers are showing each other their family photos. One shows the other a picture and says "This is my oldest, he is a martyr. This is my second oldest, he is also a martyr." The other Arab father just sighs and says "Ahh, they blow up so quickly these days!"

The Fandersan family is a family with two parents and two kids. One day, Mr. Fandersan decided to bring home a state of the art moterhome. When he got home with the motorhome, he left it in the driveway. He then went to bed. But, the next day it was missing. On the driveway there was a note. It said, "We have stolen the motorhome." The parents were freaked out!! "This is a parent's worst nightmare!! Our kids have stolen the car AND are home alone!!!"

Dick Cheney had a problem. He was been sued for 200 million dollars. He asks everybody in the West Wing for advice. However, only President Bush has any good advice: " Why don't you take them hunting?"

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of the weddings on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new husbands. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughter's room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything. The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom, you always told me if something hurt I should scream." "That's true." S

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convince

1. Eat nothing but gas-inducing foods the entire trip, not hesitating to 'share the wealth' with everyone on board. Recommended foods are chilli, burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentuky Fried Chicken (stay near the toilet if you want the KFC). 2. Repeat #1, only engage in a 'cuppy war' with the bus driver. (For those that do not know what a 'cuppy' is, it involves making a cup with your hand, farting in it and slipping it directly into the face of some unsuspecting friend.) 3. Every time the bus wobbles from the wind caused by passing transports, jump up and scream "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" 4. Incessantly complain that it is way too cold in the bus, no matter what the temperature is, keep doi

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it. Ask the widow to give you a kiss. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the dece

Yo Mamma is so poor, when you asked for milk she said,"left or right?"

Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.

One of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. I was watching T.V. and an advertisement for the show, "Monk" comes on. I don't watch the show, but I love the commercials He says to a Dr: "I'm not even stalking you. At least not at the moment." I laughed for at least ten minutes. Even snorted.

There was a lady that had a 3 year old son and one was coming on the way (she was pregnant). When the 3 year old asked his mother why her stomach was so big, she told him that it was just gas (she didn't want to give him a confusing explanation). The day that the baby was born, the 3 year old came up to the baby and said, "Hey, Fart!"

Man in car, Went to bar. Feeling nifty, Doing fifty. Hit a car, Poor old soul. Doctor's fee, CEMETARY!