Save the whales, harpoon a fat chick!

In a small town, an frightened man ran inside the local pub and shouted, "Does anyone here own a big black dog with a white collar?" But no one answered and he said, "Oh my God,I must have run over the Vicar!"

3 men sell their bodies to science, for an exsperiment on a new military weapon to scare enemy soldiers by turning them into the enemies idea of the most scary, repulsive idea possible temporarily. The first man has his wife looking at him, drinks the chemical, and turns into a half-fish half-octopus with fur. The second guy has his therapist looking at him, and turns into a giant bald hamster with a snake head. The third guy has his girlfriend looking at him, he drinks the chemical. Nothing happens.

Hubluza

This story takes place in a very specific year. Somewhere in the future. A year after Bush leaves office. -------------------------------- Part 1. A Space mission Place: In a rocket in space. Notes: names such as Junior and Senior are just rankings on the shuttle. -------------------------------- Senior: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JUNIOR? Junior: Getting a donut. Senior: Yeah, but look at which donut it is. Junior: Chocolate with colorful sprinkles. Senior: YEAH! ONLY SENIOR RANKINGS GET SPRINKLES! Junior: Yeah! Wadaya gonna do? Senior: DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU! Piolot: Guys, we have a problem. Junior: What is it? Senior: Shut up, Junior, let a sopisticated Senior do this. What is the problem? Piolo

Note: This joke only makes sense if you read Space Adventure Part I on this site. A complete set of the Adventures can be found in the FunnyStories Forum. ---------------------------------- I Wally will take it from here! Part 1. A Space Mission Point of View: Wally(Junior) Notes: I'll tell the story. Anything in parenthesse is me talking to you, not what someone said. -------------------------------- Medical: Oh, sorry. Me: Whatever. Senior: HA HA the woman can't remember!(Senior's a meanie I mean Come On!) Me: SHUT UP! Pilot: Jake (that's Senior's name) it's not her fault she can't remember. She didn't choose to be female*laughs*! Medical: Don't make me hurt you! Jake: Settle down, baby!

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood: In Memory of Beza Wood Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs. Here lies one Wood Enclosed in wood One Wood Within another. The outer wood Is very good: We cannot praise The other. On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod: Pease shelled out and went to God. The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip: Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with "R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid" Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903 - Died 19

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours. Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona: Here lies Lester Moore Four slugs from a .44 No Les No More. John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader if cash thou art In want of any Dig 4 feet deep And thou wilt find a Penny. On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia: She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her. In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tun

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young. In a London, England cemetery: Ann Mann Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast Pardon me For not rising. Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake. In a Silver City, Nevada, cem

A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles." The boy replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward."

Float like a butterfly Sting like a bee I slept with yo momma Now it burns when I pee !

Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan.