Category Jokes -
Dubya Quotes
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived
A boy was trying to impress his mum on his new bike. He was going down the path and said to his mum,
"Look, mum, no feet!"
He then put his feet back on the bike and removed his hands from the handlebars. He then shouted,
"Look, mum, no hands!"
He then lost control of the bike and collided with a tree. His mum ran up to his side, whereas her son said,
"Look, mum, no teeth."
When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool he dosent get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris'd.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse. It's decendants are know as giraffes.
Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen, oxygen needs Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't pay off debt, debt pays off Chuck Norris.
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch.
She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky maths. Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Take 1000 and add 40. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
FOURTH QUESTION: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Q1: If you answered that by overtaking the second person you were first, you were absolutely wrong. If you overtake the second person and take his p
To get your Star Wars name, do the following:
1) Start with the 1st 3 letters of your last name
2) Add the first two letters of your first name
3) Add the first two letters of your mother's maiden name
4) Add the first two letters of the city in which you were born
5) Then, if you want, you can remove one letter to make it sound cool.
Guy goes to see his doctor - "Doctor, please help me, I've got kleptomania bad!"
"OK, take these pills, one a day, but if they've not worked in a month, could you get me an LCD telly?"
In "The Greatest Story Ever Told", John Wayne played a centurion at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
One of his lines was, "Truly he is the Son of God!"
The director felt John W. wasn't putting enough into it, and asked him to deliver the line again, but with a little more emphasis - "to put some awe into it".
"OK," says John, "Awww - truly he is the Son of God!"
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