A guy took his blonde girlfriend on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, the guy catches a fish. As they're driving home, they're really depressed. The guy turns to his girlfriend and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" The girlfriend says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didnt catch any more!"

Do Roman paramedics refer to an IV as a four?

Yo momma is so big, that when she farts, she destroys the ozone layer above her!

In a messed up family, the child named Hope is goth, and the child named Faith is atheist.

Yo Momma so fat, when she went into a sumo wrestling match, they said, "Sorry, no professionals allowed."

A very lonely old lady buys a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before the purchase, she is given a guarantee that the bird will talk. Ten days later, she returns to the store, very disappointed. "The parrot doesn't talk." "Did you buy a mirror?" "No." "Every parrot needs a mirror." So she buys a mirror and installs it in the cage. Another ten days, and she's back at the pet shop. "The parrot still doesn't talk." "Did you buy a ladder?" "No." "Every parrot needs a ladder." So she buys a ladder and installs it in the cage. Guess what? Ten days later, she's back in the shop. "The parrot still doesn't talk!" "Did you buy a swing?" "No." "Every parrot needs a swing." So she buys a swi

How many women on their periods does it take to change a light bulb? - - - O N E ! ! , YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

Two friends, who haven't met for a couple of years, are catching up with each other's news. One says, "And then the doctor said he'd have me back on my feet in a fortnight!" His pal says, "Well, did he?" "He sure did, I had to sell my car to pay him!"

Did your parents have any kids that lived?

1. And now, the taste test. 2. Are we supposed to heat that? 3. And now a little bit from this... 4. ... and please keep that test tube alone! 5. And now shake it a bit. 6. Why is there no label on this bottle? 7. In which glass was my mineral water? 8. The bunsen burner *is* out! 9. Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!? 10. *H* stands for Nitrogen - and that does *not* burn... 11. Oh, now I have spilt something... 12. First the acid, then the water... 13. And now the detonating gas problem. 14. This is a completely safe experimental setup. 15. Where did I put my gloves? 16. Oh no, wrong beaker... 17. The fire alarm is just being tested. 18. Now you

Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday.

You know you're a redneck when your stair master has an ashtray!