Category Jokes -
Yo mama is so hairy...
...you almost died of rugburn at birth!
...she looks like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
...bigfoot is taking her picture!
...she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
Yo mama is so nasty...
...she made speed stick slow down.
...she brings crabs to the beach.
...she made right guard turn left.
...the fishery payed her to leave.
...she has to creep up on bathwater.
...that she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
...I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
Yo mama is so old
Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama's head so large she has to step into her shirts.
Yo mama head is so big it shows up on radar.
Yo mama's house is so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo mama house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter.
Yo mama's glasses so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Yo mama's house is so small that when she orders a large pizza she has to go outside to eat it.
Yo mama's house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
Man 1: "I was on the television last night."
Man 2: "Were you really?"
Man 1: "Yeah. When I'm drunk I'll sleep anywhere."
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next.
Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole mother?"
Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again.
"So, Manny, did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your mother?"
Ma
"Excuse me, is this tuna dolphin-friendly?"
"Dolphin-friendly? He was only best man at Flipper's wedding!"
A blonde and her friends at a military camp had been taken out to play a game of paintball. Her team all bundle into their trench and prepare for the game. Suddenly, the whistle blows to signal the start of the game and the group-leader shouts,
"Fire at will!"
As the rest of the blonde's group start firing she turns to the group-leader and asks,
"Which one's Will?"
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas,
but there are more Catholic churches than casinos there.
Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to sort the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Fransiscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.
You didn't even see it coming, did you?
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
In the middle ages, the monks were only allowed to talk once every year to the priest. They were only allowed two words to say.
One year, when a new monk came, the priest told him of this and the monk agreed.
After the first year, the monk said in a sad voice, "Bed hard."
The priest frowned at him and ushered him away.
The next year the poor monk said in a sad voice,
"Food cold."
The priest scowled at him and told him to go away back to work.
The next year the monk said in a sad voice, "Quit job."
The priest suddenly shouted, "Finally! You've been here three years and all you've done is complain!"
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