Laws of Feline Physics III Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment, multiplied by the amount of human laughter. Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk squared, just to show that he can. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human. Law of Fluid Displacement A cat, immersed in milk, will displace her own volume minus the amount of milk consumed. Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse p

Two blond adventurers were on holiday, and went to see Niagara Falls. After a few drinks one night, one bet the other $500 he couldn't carry him across the falls on a tightrope. After a very scary trip, his friend managed to stagger safely across, and the wager was duly paid. "That was close," said the loser. "When you wobbled, halfway across, I was sure I'd won."

There was this lady who was in the shower and her little boy walked in on her taking a shower & he saw her pubic hairs and says: "Mommy what's that?" as he pointed down to her. "Well, that's Mommy's washcloth." The next day he walked in on her again, and asked her again. She says it was her washcloth. Well, this time when he walked out she shaved it off because she got tired of him asking. So the next day when he walked in on her, he asks: "Mommy what happened to your washcloth?" "Uh, Mommy lost it." So the little boy walked out. The next day he walked in on his mom and says: "Hey Mommy, the maid found your washcloth. She is washing Daddy's face with it!"

What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him? I didn't do it on porpoise!

Three men were at a business convention where they were discussing cars. One man said, "I am an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn." Another man says, "I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." The last man speaks up saying, "Well, I beat both of you - I am a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe!"

Yo momma's so stupid, when they said "Drinks are on the house!" She went and got a ladder.

Yo momma's so fat that small things orbit her!

There were three blondes stranded on an island. They were left with one bottle of water, so the decided to have thirds of the bottle. The next day, the bottle is lying empty next to one blonde, and the other two blondes say, "Why'd you drink all the water?" and the blonde says, "But my third was at the bottom."

She make Olympic sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

Yo momma's so stupid, she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street café watching the crowd. Across the street, they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes later, they reappeared, with a third person. "They have multiplied," said the biologist. "Oh no, it's an error in measurement," the physicist replied. "If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again," was the mathematician's conclusion.

What do you say to a redneck with a beautiful woman on his arm? "Hey, nice tattoo!"