One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he opened the diaper, he found was indeed full. "Here's the problem," the doctor explained. "He just needs to be changed." The perplexed fath

A merger has been announced between the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) and the California Fish and Game Department. It will be called Fish and Chips.

I tried to walk into Target one day... I missed

Sam didn't want to go on the blind date that Tom had arranged for him. "What if she's really ugly and I hate her?" he complained. "Then just clutch your chest and fake a heart attack," Tom replied. Sam thought this was a good idea, so he agreed to go through with it. He went to the address Tom had given him, and a beautiful woman answered the door. "Hi, I'm your blind date!" Sam said. The woman clutched her chest and fell to the ground.

Justin: If you give me a quarter, I'll give you everything in my lunch box. Zach: That depends... what's in your lunchbox? Justin: Nothing!

She Was So Blonde She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

What does the hot dog say after winning a race? I'm a WIENER!!!

What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says "spit your gum out" and a train says "choo choo!!"

Confucius say: Sperm sample from Nobel Prize winner is stroke of genius.

Confucius Say: Crowd in elevator smell different to midget.

Confucius say: Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways, going to Bangkok

She used to have a broad mind and a narrow waist; now it's the other way round. It was a very emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers. Psychic wanted – you know why, and where to apply. I don't think they really wanted me in the marching band – they gave me a piano. Then, when we played hide and seek, no-one came to look for me.