1. On a mall child's cart bag Do not put child in bag (Who does?) 2. On food court restaurant counters Warning: Touching hot surfaces may burn you (Wanna try?) 3a. Bush on war in Iraq "We're not going to have any casualties." (Where are we now, huh?) 3b. Bush's description of the White House "It is white." (WOW! Who knew???) 3c. Our future "The future will look better tommorow." (That settles it, we're all gonna die.)

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?" "No," said the boy. "Why not?" said the judge. "Because she beats me." The judge says, "Okay, then you'll go live with your father." "Oh, no," cried the boy, "he beats me too." Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay, who do you want to live with?" "I want to live with the New York Yankees." "Why?" asks the judge. "They don't beat anybody."

There is a major difference between the way a dog thinks and the way a cat thinks. A dog says, "You feed me, shelter me, pamper me, and love me. You must be God." A cat says, "You feed me, shelter me, pamper me, and love me. I must be God."

This apparently was a real memo sent at a computer company to its employees in all seriousness. This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor. "Mouse Balls" Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mo

You have to see this joke to believe it. - Editor's Note: Link Deleted -

What do you get when you cross a cheetah with a hamburger? Fast food!

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work. Why is a river rich? Because it has two banks. What is a foreign ant called? Import-ant. What do ants take when they are ill? Anti-biotics.

What is the fastest way to double your money? By folding it in half

What did one glass say to another glass? Lets have a break. What did one ghost say to another ghost? Do you believe in people? What did one chair say to another chair? Here comes another bum.

What is the similarity between Michael Jackson and a Playstation 2? They both are made of plastic, and they both get turned on by kids.

'Doctor,doctor.I think that I'm a bridge.' 'What on earth's come over you?' 'Well a car,a bike.....'

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging laundry when a tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman finally pinned a note to his collar, it read: 'Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap.' The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have six c