A father and son went fishing one summer day. While they were out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "Dad, how does this boat float?" "Don't rightly know, son." "Dad, how do fish breath underwater?" "Don't rightly know, son." "Dad, why is the sky blue?" "Don't rightly know, son." Eventually, after the boy asked his father several more questions, "Dad, do you mind me asking all these questions?" "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you never learn anything."

Sally – "Mummy, why can't I go swimming in the sea?" Mum – "Because there are sharks in the sea." Sally – "But mummy, daddy is swimming in the sea." Mum – "That's different, he's insured."

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter says, "You look like Albert Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths people will go to in order to sneak into heaven. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk, please?" St. Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and some chalk instantly appear. Einstein describes, with arcane mathematics and symbols, his theory of relativity. St. Peter is very impressed. "You really are Albert Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!" When Pablo Picasso arrives, once again St. Peter asks for credentials. Picasso says, "May I use that blackboard and chalk?" St. Peter says, "Go ahead."

You might be a redneck if you let your thirteen-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of HER two kids.

There were three women that had just escaped from jail, one was a brunette, one was a red-head, and one was a blonde. They were running through the woods and the police and their dogs were chasing after them. The women ran into three empty potato sacks. They decided to hide. A policeman found the sacks and decided to give the first one a kick. It meowed. "Aww, it's a sack full of kittens," he said. He kicked the second bag and it barked. "Aww, it's a sack full of puppies," he said. He kicked the third one and it didn't do anything. He kicked it again and it didn't do anything. He was about to kick it again when the blonde popped out of it and said, "I can't act like potatoes if you keep kic

This joke may seem racist to some. I just wanted to warn you of this before you read it. Sally - Where does a baby go after he or she has passed away? Joe - I don't know. Sally - To heaven. What does the baby get after he or she arrives in heaven? Joe - I don't know. Sally - Wings. What is the baby called? Joe - I don't know. Sally - An Angel. Where does a black baby go after he or she has passed away? Joe - I don't know. Sally - To heaven. What does the baby get after he or she arrives in heaven? Joe - I don't know. Sally - Wings. What is the baby called? Joe - A bat!

Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk. What do you call a bright, sunny day that comes after two cold, cloudy days? Monday. A snake slithers into a bar. The barman says, "I can't serve you, you obviously can't hold your drink." Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? The outside. Two parrots on a perch. One says, "Do you smell fish?" An eel slithers into a bar. The barman says, "I can't serve you, you're legless."

Why aren't dogs allowed in the White House? They might pee on the Bush!

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Who who. Who who who? Is there an owl in here?

Knock Knock! Who's there? Amos. Amos who? Amosquito bit me!

Knock Knock! Who's there? Moo, moo, who. Moo, moo, who, who? Well, make up your mind, are you a cow or an owl?