How many Dyslexics does it take to change a Lit Blub?

Anyone remember Roy Clark, host of TV's "Hee Haw"? Once, cohost Buck Owens was visiting Roy's home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Roy was upset because he had just bought a beautiful new pair of genuine leather boots that were completely destroyed by a mountain lion the night before when Roy had left them on the back porch. Roy was bound and determined to get the animal, so he and Buck, and several townspeople, took up arms and searched the hills. The group searched for hours to no avail. Then suddenly, Buck heard a feline wail. Buck turns to his friend and sings: "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

This was unveiled by scientists as "The Funniest Joke in the World": Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doin?" his mother asked; "you can't eat them if the seal is broken." The boy explained, "I'm looking for the seal."

A waiter asks a man, "May I take your order, sir?" "Yes," the man replies. "I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

Yo mama so fat, she coughed next to a corn field and made popcorn.

What's the difference between men and women? Women zoom with a camera by walking closer or farther away; men just push the button!

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures. 9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games. 8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture. 7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up. 6. Says 'Whom' instead of 'Who.' 5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning. 4. Prefers NPR to any music. 3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about. 2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game. 1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table. "Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal. "Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second. "Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.