Category Jokes -
A man walks into a men's outfitters and grumpily asks to see the cheapest suit in the shop.
The horrified snooty sales assistant immediately fetched a full length mirror and placed it in front of him.
Special bonus, two for the price of one!
The party was in full swing, the drink going down several well-lubricated throats.
One of the guests was a Scot, wearing the traditional kilt, and a couple of the more adventurous girls were teasing him, asking him if anything was worn under his kilt. He replied, "No, everything is in perfect working order," and with that, he lifted his kilt to give them a quick flash.
"Oh, it's gruesome," said one of the girls.
"Have another look," he says, "it's grew some more!"
Two blondes went out into the woods on a hunting trip.
They are out there for several hours, and discover that they are lost!
One says, "I heard that if you're lost in the woods, you fire three shots in the air, and wait for someone to come and rescue you."
"Ok," says her pal, "let's do it."
So they did, and waited to be rescued, but no-one came to their aid, so after an hour, they fired three more shots in the air, and waited again.
It's nearly dark by now, and one says to the other, "I hope someone comes soon, we're down to our last three arrows."
Two cows eating grass,
On a warm, sunny hillock.
By this time tomorrow,
That grass will be millock.
Albert Einstein was getting bored with making the same speech over and over again at different meetings, so one night, after a long day, his chauffeur jokingly said, "I've heard your speech so many times, I know it word for word! Why don't you take the night off and let me deliver the talk this evening?" Einstein agreed.
When they arrived at the venue, Einstein put on the chauffeur's uniform and hat, and sat at the back of the hall while the chauffeur took his place on the podium, effortlessly delivering the speech, then inviting the audience to ask questions.
He convincingly answered the first few, but then one pompous man stood up and asked a very difficult question on his theories of re
Blond: Daddy! I know my alphabet!
Dad: That took you 5 yaars!
Blond: I know, but now I know my ABD's!
A blonde had twin girls - she called them Kate and Duplicate.
Then she had twin boys - she called them Pete and Repeat.
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