There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it, Said he with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!

Two elderly priests and a young novitiate were at the railway station to buy train tickets to Pittsburgh. The young lady selling tickets was very pretty, and was wearing a rather low-cut dress which showed her ample mammaries to great advantage. The novitiate approached the ticket booth and said, "Three tickets to Tittsville, please." "How dare you?" remonstrated the ticket seller. The young novitiate blushes and retires in confusion, so one of the priests says, "Allow me. Three pickets to Tittsburgh, and please may I have the change in nipples an dimes." He also retreats in embarrasment, so the eldest priest attempts to calm the now angry ticket seller. "Three tickets to Pittsburgh, pl

There once was a girl from Darjeeling, Who could dance with exquisite feeling, There wasn't a sound For miles around, Except fly buttons hitting the ceiling!

John took Mary to the movies, and they both enjoyed the show very much. Afterwards, John asked Mary what she wanted to do; "I want to get weighed," she said. He took her to a drugstore, where the machine said she weighed 107 pounds, but for the rest of the night she pouted and sulked. When they finally got to her house, John tried to kiss her, but she said, "Go on home now, I've had a wowsy time."

I lent a friend of mine $5000 for plastic surgery. I can't get it back, because now I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!

Yo momma so fat, they took her x-ray and a picture of a McDonald's showed up on the screen.

What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when he hits your windshield? His asshole!

Yo momma so fat, the little boy from THE SIXTH SENSE walked up to her and said "Let me tell you my secret now...I see YOU...everywhere"

If I were to be pun-ish-ed For every little pun I shed I'd hide me to a punny shed And there I'd hang my punnish head.

(to be read aloud) 'Twas in a restaurant they met Romeo and Juliet But Romeo couldn't pay the bill So Romee-owed what Julie ate ("ett").

A girl goes to her doctor, because she's found some unusual green marks on her thighs. After the doctor has examined the marks, she asks the girl some questions so that she can determine the cause. "Do you have a boyfriend?" "Yes." "Can you describe him?" "Ok; he's tall, dark, and works at the fairground." "So he's a traveller?" "Yes, he is; any problems?" "No, no. I do think his earrings may be made of brass, though."

Justin and Tarquin were having a wonderful time at the fairground, trying all the attractions, until they arrived at the carousel. Tarquin said, "Let's go on this one, Justin." "I'm tired right now," said Justin, "you go ahead and I'll see you later." So Tarquin goes on the carousel, but after a few minutes, the the carousel collapses in a heap. "Tarquin, Tarquin, are you all right?" calls Justin. "All right? Of course I'm not all right; seven times I went past you, and you didn't wave once!"