Teacher: If you found five pence in one pocket and ten pence in the other,what would you have? Willy: Somebody else's trousers.

Jesus walks into an inn puts 3 nails on the counter and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have three possible donors. The first is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The third is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?" "I'll take the attorney's heart," said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy," said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

What kind of triangle is never wrong??? A right triangle!!!!!!!

What kind of trouble does a five foot man have??? Five feet!!!

Yo Momma's so fat she's fatter than you

Q: What is a cat's favorite game? A: Go Fish!

Yo momma is so dark, she's not afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of her.

Yo mama is so stupid, on Halloween she looked ouside the window and said, "Oh, no!" and called the Ghost Busters.

Your momma is so fat, your dad rolled on her and never came off.

Yo Momma is so fat, the only reason she wanted to go to space was to taste the Milky Way.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my pants when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 3. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too." Dang right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people who've lost something say, "It'll probably be in the last place I look." Of course it is! Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? 5. When people say while watching a film, "Did you see that?" No