Why did the husband ask the wife before they were married to find her own friends for life? Because like most marriages he knows they will hate each other one day and she will need help from her friends or she commit suicide.

If you were a boy and your parents named you dick. Wouldn't you be embarassed and change your name officially?

One day Billy is pulling some bottles to the recycling plant in his wagon to get some spending money, he is cursing up a storm while he is pulling the wagon. He comes around a corner and sees Jenny standing on the path in front of him. "Billy you shouldn't swear like that!" "Why the hell not?" "Because God will hear you" Jenny replies. "So what if he does" Billy replies. "Well if God hears you swearing you will go to hell." Jenny explains. "Well He can't hear me. He is not here!" "Yes He can hear you Billy. God is everywhere!" Billy thinks a minute than says, "You mean to say God is under that tree over there right now?" "Yes Billy He is there, but you can't see him because He is invisib

Now I lay me down to sleep With the boy across the street Won't my mommy be surprised When my tummy starts to rise Won't my daddy be disgusted When he finds my cherry's busted.

A boy go to a girls house and notice her home is very messy and full of paper and clay pot and clothing all over. The boy tell her he bring some pot to her and she answer there is clay pot all over home.

Yo Momma is so dumb everytime she hears a car horn she yells "Happy New Year!"

Yo Momma's so fat they show IMAX movies on her butt!

What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard? A: A liquor cabinet!

A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer, He drinks it, and 5 minutes later orders another. This goes on for 2 hours straight, the guy ordering a beer every 5 minutes or so. After 2 hours the guy has had 24 beers and is pretty drunk. The bartender looks at the guy and says, "How did you do that/" The guy responds, "It's no problem. You just chug 'em back." Bartender; "Not the drinking part, I mean how did you drink 24 beers without going to the bathroom?" The guy says, "Depends"

Why is marriage so much like a tornado? At first there is a lot of huffing and blowing, in the end someone loses their house.

Did you hear about the blonde who ran for president? She got tired after 2 miles and dropped out of the running.

Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas? Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.