Once I asked a guy, " Do you love me, or is that a banana in your pocket?"

You might be a redneck if you think cauliflower is a phone dating service for flowers.

You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up. You name your car the General Lee. You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

I always wondered why there are so many blond jokes,but no brunettes. I asked a brunette friend of mine. "Why do you think there are no brunette jokes?" I asked her. "Well,that's a given. Blonds are too stupid to make them up."

Knock,knock! Who's there? King! King who? King Kong is now part of China.

Why is a circle so hot???? Because it's 360 degrees!!!

Patient:"Doctor,my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages." Psychiatrist: "Rubbish! I like sausages too." Patient: Good,you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds."

Doctor: "Does it hurt when you do this?" Patient: "Yes" Doctor: "Well, you shouldn't do it then."

Knock Knock! Who's there? A chu. A chu who? Bless you!

Why wasn't the giraffe invited to the party? He was a pain in the neck to talk to.

One day at class, Mrs. Stryo has a storytelling contest. She tells the class that the boy or girl with the best story will get a bag of candy. Jay, a clever boy, thinks of a story. "One day, there is a storm." He begins. "Someone's house gets ripped apart by this storm, leaving furniture scattered on the ground." "One old man survives this storm. He trys to rebuild the house that was torn apart." "He almost suceeds. Three months later, after spending all of his money trying to rebuild the house, another storm comes and rips it apart again. Everything is scattered around again." "So that man trys again to build a house. Six months later, he spends a further few hundred dollars building u