How many jazz musicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't worry about the changes, we'll fake it! Note: In jazz, the chord changes are what dictates the improvisation of the music.

A wife was in the kitchen making the boiled eggs for breakfast when her husband walked in and asked, "What's for breakfast?" She turned to him and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment." He, thinking it's his lucky day, stood her over the kitchen table and they had sex. Afterwards he asked, "What was that all about?" She answered, "The egg timer's broken!"

A man is running out of his large office building when his boss spots him and asks him what he is doing. The man replies, "My wife called me and she says she is going to jump out our window and commit suicide." The boss realizes that this is a good excuse, but says, "Well, by the time you get home, won't it be too late?" The man says, "Nah, I'm just going to open the window for her."

A man was stopped at a red light when a fantastic looking blonde pulled up beside him in a really hot Mustang convertible. Trying to start a conversation, the man asked, "Hey,..... how many horses you got under the hood?" The blonde looked at the man bewildered, and replied, "Well,.... there's one on the left side, one on the right side, ....... and oh yeah, there's one on the front of the car. I guess there's only three."

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah,"

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes," the boy's mother answered. "And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked. "Who cares?" the mother replied.

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle.

It was the interval at the Opera when Mrs. Sternberg rose from her seat and called: "Is there a doctor in the house? Is there a doctor in the house?!" A man in a tuxedo pushed his way towards her. "I'm a doctor" he said. "Oh, doctor," she said, "Have I got just the loveliest daughter for you...."

A huge black man entered in a bar with a huge and colorful parrot on his shoulder. The bartender was amazed, so he asked "Where did you get that thing?" Then the parrot said, "Well they're walking all over Africa..."

Little Billy is at home and his mom is in the shower. Billy walks in on her and sees her breasts and says "Mommy what are those?" His mom replies, "Well, Billy, those are my headlights." "Oh" says Billy. Then he looks down between her legs and sees hair there. "Mommy, what is that?" he asks. His mom thinks a bit, then says, "Billy, that is my lawn". "Oh, i see," says Billy, and he goes back downstairs. Later in the day, Billy's dad is in the shower and Billy walks in on him, and sees his penis. "Daddy, what is that long thing?" asks Billy. His dad, having already spoken to his mom, is well prepared and responds, "Well, Billy, that is my snake." Billy says, "Oh, ok dad" and then goes d

Q - Why do women have nipples? A - Because, if they didn't, boobs would be pointless