You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a birthday present out of a vending machine.

You know you're a Redneck if..... 1. Your child's night-light is a neon beer sign. 2. The only running water in your house comes through the ceiling. 3. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 4. All your kids toys came free with a Happy Meal. 5. When you fill your car with gas, it's worth doubles. 6. You start a fight in a bar and your wife finishes it. 7. Your kids favourite bedtime story is "Curious George and the Electric fence" 8. You and your wife's family reunions are one and the same. 9. The Glamour Shots people give you your money back. and last of all.... You know you're a redneck if 10.The FBI has more pictures of your family

You are a legal heir to a fireworks stand.

Local cops know you by your nickname.

You get homesick watching cops on TV.

Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

Your parrot can say, "Open up, it's the police!"

You used a cheat sheet during your hunter's safety test.

Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding.

Sing this to the tune of "On top of old oaky from "That's so Raven". On top of Mount Fuji, All covered in blood, I shot poor Barney With a 45 stud. He went to the hospital. He wasn't quite dead. So I took a machine gun, And blew off his head I went to his funeral. I went to his grave. Some people threw flowers, But i threw a grenade TaDa!

(Not for Muffin Man luvers) Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man? Do you know the muffin man who lives on Dreary lane? I just shot the muffin man, the mufifn man, the muffin man. I just shot the muffin man who lives on Dreary Lane. I shot him with a 20 gauge, a 20 gauge, a 20 gauge I shot him with a 20 gauge, and now he's dead.

One day, in a hospital, a doctor walked into a womans room, looking very serious. "There's something wrong with your baby", he said. the woman bolted upright. "Tell me! What's wrong with my baby?" The doctor looked her straight in the eye and told her, "Your child is a hermaphrodite." "A herma-whatta?" she asked. "The baby has the, um, most important parts of both a boy and a girl." The woman turned pale. It was silent for a few moments, and she said, "So, you're saying its a guy with a brain?!?!?!"