Knock-knock! Who's there? Irish! Irish who? Irish I could think of a better joke!

General Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Walks on water. Lunches with God, but must pick up tab. Colonel Almost as fast as a speeding bullet. More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline. Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Walks on water if sea is calm. Talks to God. Lieutenant-Colonel Faster than an energetically thrown rock. Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet. Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds. Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present. May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance. M

One day a blonde was surfing the internet. After a few hours, she decided to have a coffee break. When the blonde came back, she screamed. There was a bug on her moniter! She ran upstairs and grabbed a fly swatter. When she came back down she couldn't swat the bug. It was to big! The blonde then remembered the label on the computer, for people having technical difficulties. After a while of searching, she found the label. She called the number immediately. "Hello, this is Dell technical difficulties station", a man on the other side said. "Hey, there's a bug on my monitor, and I tried swatting it, but it won't come off!" The blonde cried. The man replied, "Well, the solution is simple.

Rose, a mother of two boys, Jim and Ralph, heard yelling from upstairs. She heard several phrases like "I got you!" and "No, you didn't!" She ran to see what the yelling was about. It ended up that the two boys were playing cops and robbers, and were trying to shoot each other with their fingers. "Jim! Haven't I taught you not to point! Fake guns are no excuse!" "...But mum!" Jim replied after a short pause, "I'm giving him the thumbs up, too!"

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a birthday present out of a vending machine.

You know you're a Redneck if..... 1. Your child's night-light is a neon beer sign. 2. The only running water in your house comes through the ceiling. 3. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 4. All your kids toys came free with a Happy Meal. 5. When you fill your car with gas, it's worth doubles. 6. You start a fight in a bar and your wife finishes it. 7. Your kids favourite bedtime story is "Curious George and the Electric fence" 8. You and your wife's family reunions are one and the same. 9. The Glamour Shots people give you your money back. and last of all.... You know you're a redneck if 10.The FBI has more pictures of your family

You are a legal heir to a fireworks stand.

Local cops know you by your nickname.

You get homesick watching cops on TV.

Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

Your parrot can say, "Open up, it's the police!"

You used a cheat sheet during your hunter's safety test.