A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brothe

Did you here about the giant with a nosebleed? It was all over town

A boy went to his grandpa's & grandma's house. He asked his grandpa, while his hand holds a worm, "If I can make this worm stiff, would you give me $10?" His grandpa said, "Yes." Then he sprayed the worm with hair spray, and the worm became stiff. The grandpa looked surprised. He then tells his wife about what happened, and together, they give the boy $20. Grandma then said, "Here's $10 from grandpa for making the worm stiff, as he promised, and $10 from me for the great idea."

There was a Polish man and an American on the street corner. The American man wanted to see if the Polish really were stupid. The Polish man replied, "No, you stupid American, we are not." The American then puts his hand in front of a metal pole, and tells the Polish man, he's sorry to hit him for it. When he goes to hit him, the American moves his hand, leaving the Polish man crying. The Polish man then puts his hand in front of his face and says, "What now?" The Polish man went to the hospital. The entire time he was there, he insisted he screw the room lightbulb in himself.

You might be a redneck if your dog is in your bed more than your wife.

Knock-knock Who's there? Kook Kook who? Hey, who you calling cukoo mister?

Why does a cock always close his eyes when he's crowing? Because he already knows the text!!

What is the similarity between Einstein and Newton? Neither of them ever had a mobile phone!

Why do pigs STINK? Because they have four armpits..

What door cannot be pushed, even by 10 people simultaneously? The door that says: PULL

A college student walks down the road when he sees a beggar on the side of the street. College Student (C) : Hey mister! whatsup! Beggar (B) : Yea how you doin'... C: So, how long have you've been a beggar? B: It's about eight years now kid.. C: WOW! Thats long time.. how much do you get per day? B: Not that bad... about 250 bucks a day... C: That's enermous! B: Yeah.. Enough for living my family.. C: Owch.. you got family too! Where are they now? B: My wife's dead. I got three children, one of them in Harvard University, one in MIT, and the other one went oversea, he goes to Oxford University... C: *pause, surprised* That's..that's really great... So, when they're gonna be graduated? B: No

TEACHER : There is a frog, ship is sinking, potatoes cost $10/kg, then what is my age? STUDENT : 32 yrs! TEACHER : How do you know? STUDENT : Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.