Once there was an old man 70 years old named Bob who was married to his 73 year old wife, Mary. They had their grandchild, named Caroline over. Once they got home from their walk, Bob offered Caroline some hot chocolate, toast, and eggs. "Of course!" She said with delight. Then, Bob goes in to make the meal for Caroline and Mary follows to help. Bob and Mary take an hour to walk into the kitchen, take three hours making the meal, and take an hour to walk back into the living room in which Caroline was in with the meal. Caroline noticed, "Hey, you forgot the Hot chocolate and toast!"

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material. Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares: "I define myself to be on the outside."

One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door, and to his car, and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car, and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!!!................................ its funny cause the robot doesnt have any legs

somewhere in Calfornia, USA, there is a man who want to open up a business. So he decided to build a restaurant. On the grand opening day, he put a large sign: "BEST RESTAURANT IN CALIFORNIA". And there's another man do the same thing (make a new restaurant) close to the first man. He put a big sign: "BEST RESTAURANT IN AMERICA" There's another man also do the same thing. He's even more arrogant than the first two. He then put a big sign: "BEST RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD" ANOTHER man decided to do the same thing. But this man is wiser than the first three. So instead of put a bombastic sign, he only put a normal sign in front of his new restaurant: "Best Restaurant on this road"

Never trust google! why? follow the instruction below and you'll get what I mean Please do it right now and see the blunder made by google. 1. Open google 2. Click 'language tools' link. 3. Write "Linda's mom is very nice" in 'Translate text:' textbox. 4. Select "English to Spanish" in the below combo. 5. Press Translate and wait for translation. 6. Now copy the translated text from the above text and paste it in the 'Translate text:' textbox. 7. Select "Spanish to English" in the below combo. 8. Press Translate and wait for translation. 9. Enjoy. Copy paste below's URL to go to translator page of google: http://www.google.com/language_tools?hl=en

A boy asked to his girl friends: What does a gay cow eat? all of his friends failed to answer. Then he stood up, and with a gay-est falsetto voice he said: Haaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

Oh, the network outside is frightful, But on campus, it's so delightful, Our packets have nowhere to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. It doesn't show signs of stopping, All our packets, our hosts are dropping; Bandwidth is turned way down low, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. When we finally connect to a site, It's time to go back to the dorm; But if I could stay here all night, I could submit their Web form. The network is slowly dying, And, I fear, we're still denying, But as long as Sprint is the way to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.