There is an old story about the data centre of the future. This data centre runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog. The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure a

John, for heaven's sake, why can't you just talk to me once in awhile?" whined Mari. "Huh?" John responded. "Look around you!" she yells, as she points around the room. "All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don't even know I'm alive!" "Oh. I'm sorry." "You know, sometimes I wish I were a book. Then you'd at least look at me." "Hmmm," John mumbled in deep thought, "that's not a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."

A guy gets home from work one night and hears a little voice. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the little voice. The next day, when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again, the man ignores the little voice, though he is very troubled by the event. Every day, day after day, the man hears the same little voice when he gets home from work, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man hears the little voice he becomes increasingly upset. Finall

One night a man and his wife were lying in bed and she was complaining that his penis was small and asked why he didn't do something about it. The next night thay were in bed and she reached between his legs and gasped, "How did it get so big?" Husband said, "Simple, I went to the hospital and had an operation." The wife replied, "What kind of operation?" The husband said, "I had an addadicktome!"

You might be a redneck if your limo at your wedding was a tractor and trailer.

You might be a redneck if your honeymoon was at the family farm.

The king had a powerful army. He reined for 7 years before clearing the clouds!!!

My computer is so old, it has a VHS slot instead of a CD/DVD slot!!!

You might be a redneck if... ...your porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs. ...you see your family reunion as a way to meet girls. ...you marry three times and still have the same in-laws.

Both of the following men have cheated on their wives and have decided to take it to the Lord. One is a gangster and one is a Christian. This is their prayers.... Christian husband: Dear Father Son and Holy Ghost, I have sinned and am so sorry. I cheated on my wife with her best friend. Please allow my wife to forgive me for it was a long night and I didn't mean to hurt her. Amen Gangster husband: Waz up Pops Pops Jr. and Spooks, I cheated on my women last night. She is pissed off but I have a good reason for my actions. You see I'm a pimp in my old town and one of my leading ladies was having some trouble so you know, Lil' Willy down there make it all better. Well, my woman found out so

A Catholic man was struck by a bus on a busy street. He was near death lying on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers. "A priest! Somebody please get me a priest!" the man gasped. Minutes dragged on and no one stepped out of the crowd. A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, "A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn't there a priest in this crowd to give this man his last rites?" Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest, I'm not even a Christian, but for fifty years now I've been living behind the Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I overhear their services. I can recall a lot of it, and m