(Answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions.) Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string

Test for Dementia "It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test." Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so.. Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it," The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin. WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR! 1. What do you put in a toaster? Answer: "bread

A teacher of a fifth grade class gave her students an assignment. The assignment was to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and each had a turn to tell their stories. "Peter, do you have a story to share?" she asks one child. "Yes, ma'm; my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a swiss army knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them wi

1) Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2) Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3) And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4) It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5) Avoid cliches like the plague. 6) Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7) Be more or less specific. 8) Parenthetical remarks (however relevent) are (usually) unnecessary. 9) Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10) No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad, too. 11) Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used. 12) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13) Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary, it is highly superfluous. 14) One should never g

A blonde buys a thermos. Two days later, she's back in the shop and wants a refund. The sales person asks her why she's returning it. She replies, "Well, when I bought it, you said it would keep hot things hot and cold things cold, but yesterday I took some coffee and ice-cream to work for after lunch, and all that came out was a luke-warm slush!"

What do you call a black guy and a white guy having sex? mixed nuts.

What do you call a nun's urine? Virgin Lemonade

yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited for the manager all night, and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the

Yo momma's so fat, she makes the sun look like a pebble!

Yo momma's so nasty, when she burped she started a nuclear war!

How to Make Cookies: 1. Make the batter with everything but the vanilla. 2. Walk to your nearest appliance shop. 3. Buy a telephone and walk home. 4. Call a friend. 5. Have her drive you to the airport. 6. Buy a plane ticket to St. Louis MO, USA (home is where the heart is). 7. Walk to a little shop and buy a little measuring cup. 8. Walk back to the airport (I hope you have good shoes, it might be a long walk). 9. Catch a plane home. 10. Measure the vanilla. WAIT! You're a TSP. short... 11. Call your friand back, have her drive you to the airport again... 12. Buy vanilla.

How are opera singers and sailors alike? They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!