Yo momma is so fat she was runing in the street with a yellow raincoat and the kids thougth they mised the bus.

Why does Tigger smell so bad? Cause he's always hanging out with Pooh.

Once there was a guy who didn't know which train station would take him to L.A. So, he asked a guy nearby,"What train takes me to L.A? The left, or right train?" The answer was, "If you go to the right one, you'll be left and if you go to the left one, you'll be right."

My brother-in-law was a gay minister, so when his sister wanted a small, casual wedding, she asked him to officiate. He had never performed a marriage ceremony before, so he decided to ask his pastor for advice. "My sister has asked me to marry her," he began, "and I'm not sure what I should do." The minister answered, "Try telling her you just want to be friends."

Once i bought a squirrel and I named it Melinda, and then I gave it food and then it died! Now I have a box named Joice Ann and I gave it some water and it fell down and then it died!

Why does a man wear two pairs of pants when he goes golfing? He might get a hole in one!

Why do people say "This is the first day of the rest of your life"? Isn't that true about everyday unless you die that day?

Boys are like diapers.... Always on my ass and full of shit.

what do you get when you cross a LAWYER and a LIBRARIAN? All the information you want, but you can't understand it!

A lady one day decides to place an ad for a good relationship in bed. she said muct not have hands to beat her, must not have feet to walk on her and must be good in bed. one day, the doorbell rang and she answered it. a man with no legs, or hands is there and says " Are u from the ad" she says yeah. she says then " You have no hands so u cant beat me, you have no feet so you wont walk over me, but tell me this... are u good in bed"? he replies "How do u think i rang the doorbell"?

Once I like bought a fox and I like named him Jorge and like he died and I cried so I bought shoes.

Once I went to visit my cousin in Jersey and I was looking for his house and when I found his house I rang the doorbell and like I said, "Hey cuz" and he answered I'm not your cousin. Then I said, "Yes I am, and then he closes the door on me. So I like call my mom, right? Then I like say, "Mom, my cousin says he's not my cousin." Then my mom says, "You don't have a cousin in Jersey." And I'm like, "Oh cool", and then I got a fox.