Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn't believe her. Next, Sarah told Maria the same, but Maria still didn't believe them. Then Jessica told Maria the same thing too. This time, Maria said "Chill guys! I'll even go to closet and prove that it is safe!" Maria did as she had said and her three friends followed her. Maria turned out to be wrong. There was a strange noise coming from the closet. She listened closely and heard a mysterious voice saying "I've gotcha where

There Is an old lady who lives in a 14 story hotel. She lives on the 14th floor. Every morning, she goes down into the lobby, gets cereal and goes on a walk. On mornings when it is raining, she uses the elevator all of the way up to get to her room after she goes on her walk. On mornings when it is not raining after she's eaten, she only goes to floor 7 and then uses the stairs to walk the rest of the way up. Why? Because she is a midget. On mornings when it is raining, she has her umbrella to go on the walk so she can use the umbrella to touch the top button in the elevator. When it isnt raining, she doesn't have her umbrella and she can only reach the button for floor 7.

There was a blind guy, walking down the street. He passes a fish market, smells the fish and says," Good morning ladies."

What amimal walks with its feet on its head? a flea.

Why did the rooster cross the road? To fuck the chicken.

Why did the elephant cross the road? Because the chiken retired.

Yo momma is so stupid, she sat on the tv and watched the couch.

A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, "What will it be today?" Guy says, "Well, I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up." Barber says, "Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that?" Guy says, "That's how you cut it last time."

Yo momma is so fat she was runing in the street with a yellow raincoat and the kids thougth they mised the bus.

Why does Tigger smell so bad? Cause he's always hanging out with Pooh.

Once there was a guy who didn't know which train station would take him to L.A. So, he asked a guy nearby,"What train takes me to L.A? The left, or right train?" The answer was, "If you go to the right one, you'll be left and if you go to the left one, you'll be right."

My brother-in-law was a gay minister, so when his sister wanted a small, casual wedding, she asked him to officiate. He had never performed a marriage ceremony before, so he decided to ask his pastor for advice. "My sister has asked me to marry her," he began, "and I'm not sure what I should do." The minister answered, "Try telling her you just want to be friends."