One day, a depressed crocodile decides to see his doctor about his problems. He says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I don't feel like killing people anymore. I don't like attacking them, I don't like wrestling them in the water, and I definitely don't like eating them." The doctor goes over to his medicine cabinet, and pulls out several tiny blue pills. In amazement, the crocodile asks his doctor, "Doc, are those what I think they are?" The doctor replies, "Yes, I'm prescribing you some Viagra." Frustrated, the crocodile tells his doctor, "I'm not sure you understand -- have you been listening to a word I've said?" The doctor replies, "Of course I've been listening, you said you h

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table. Finally the wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Yo mama is so nasty she's got to pour sand down her pants to keep the crabs happy!

What did Dick Cheney say before he shot his hunting companion? Ready, Fire, Aim!

What do you call an intelligent, good looking man? A: A rumor!

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy

Knock-Knock? Who's There? Ice Cream. Ice Cream who? I scream for Ice Cream!!

Q: Where do spiders go to learn new words? A: WEB-sters dictionary!!

Why did the poor dog chase his tail? He was trying to make ends meet!

Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for? Well, that's probably how dogs spend most of their lives...

Yo Momma's like a cell phone: Free on nights and weekends!

yo mamma is like a shot gun: One cock and shes ready to blow!!