What do you call an intelligent, good looking man? A: A rumor!

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy

Knock-Knock? Who's There? Ice Cream. Ice Cream who? I scream for Ice Cream!!

Q: Where do spiders go to learn new words? A: WEB-sters dictionary!!

Why did the poor dog chase his tail? He was trying to make ends meet!

Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for? Well, that's probably how dogs spend most of their lives...

Yo Momma's like a cell phone: Free on nights and weekends!

yo mamma is like a shot gun: One cock and shes ready to blow!!

George Bush to friend: Sorry I forgot your birthday. Dick Cheney forgot to put it on my to-do list.

Boys are like public toilets; they're either taken, or full of crap. (no offense to you boys)

Two good ole boys down in Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer...After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?" The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car. There are no new sins...the old ones just get more publicity. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number