Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages... 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run into a burning building. 4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m. 9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses). 10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 13. You no longer t

15 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex 1. You can GET chocolate. 2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 3. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 5. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 6. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 7. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. 8. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates. 9. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. 10. With chocolate there's no need to fake it. 11. You can have chocolate

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

I was traveling back to my hometown and, responding to Mother Nature, decided to stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I went into the washroom. The first stall was taken, so I went into the second stall. I had just sat down when I heard a voice from the other stall. "Hi there, how is it going?" I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers while sitting on the john in restrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to do, but finally I said, "Not bad." Then the voice said, "So, what are you doing?" At this point, I was starting to find the situation a bit weird, but I said, "Well, I'm headed back east." Then I heard the person, all flustere

The manager of a large office noticed one of his department heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to t

When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?" "We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him. "Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted. "Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped. "Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. "Was it my friend Sam?" he demanded. "No!" his weeping wife replied. "Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked. "NO!" she said even more upset. "Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?" he asked. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.

A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through--over the balcony railing. Just then John's date walked out. "Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the truth, " he replied, "Spot seemed a little depresse

A man's life is difficult to understand, when born he struggles to get out of the vagina and then tries the rest of his life to get in!!!

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. "I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try." "Poof!" said the genie. "You're a housewife."