TOP GEORGE BUSH SLOGANS 1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show! 2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time. 3. I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns. 4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right? 5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP. 6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me. 7. New penal plan: I won't use mine! 8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks. 9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers 10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense

UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on... Mac Airlines All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ev

Yo momma's so fat she stood on a talking scale and it said, "1,2,3 GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!!!!!!!"

Knock-Knock Who's there? Me Me who? Who the hell is me-who???

What is the most racist animal in the world? A parrot bacause Polly wants a cracker not a nigger.

Q: What do you call 50 black guys in a hole? A: Afro-Turf

FROM A FARM KID AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT. Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc, but kind of weak o

One day a little boy came over to his friends house and said, "Ah shit! I got gunk on my shoe!" As he was saying it, the friend's dad came over to the little boy and said, "How dare you say that in front of my child!" The dad sent the little boy home and called his father, telling him to come over to his house and talk to him. The father came over and said, "So what if my boy said that? it's not like your kids haven't overheard you say a curse word!" "Actually they haven't!" claimed the disgruntled father. As they argue, the disgruntled father's baby in the backround blurts out, "Fuck you!"

You're so ugly, you scare blind children.

You're so ugly when you were born your parents named you "Shit Happens"

You're so ugly instead of taking you to the doctor your mom took you to the vet.

CLERK: Please repeat after me; "I swear by Almighty God," WITNESS: "I swear by Almighty God." CLERK: "That the evidence that I give," WITNESS: That's right. CLERK: Repeat it. WITNESS: "Repeat it." CLERK: No! Repeat what I said. WITNESS: What you said when? CLERK: "That the evidence that I give," WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give," CLERK: "Shall be the truth, and," WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth! CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..." WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know. CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..." WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and." CLERK: Say: "Nothing." WITNESS: Okay. (Witness