A young man from Peking and a first generation Chinese American woman get married. On the wedding night he climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring, saying, "My darling, I know this is your first time and you must be frightened." She says that is true but she will do anything he wants. The groom says "Let's start with 69." And she says, "You want broccoli with beef?"

Two cows were in a field grazing. First cow says, "MOO." Second cow says, "You asshole, I was gonna say that."

Yankee Doodle went to town A-riding on his mother Every time he hit a bump He had another brother!

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook. 3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male profs.) 4. Address the professor as "your excellency". 5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!" 6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers. 7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking. 8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent. 9. Sit in the

A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter. He asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole business. After about five minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice, "Well, just what are you doing?" She replies, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money!!"

What do you call 2 nuns and 3 prostitutes on a football field? 2 Tight Ends and 3 Wide Receivers

Knock, Knock Who's there? Ya Ya - who? I didn't know you could yodel! Yahoooo!

You're so ugly that when you entered an ugly contest, out of 10,000 people, you won first place!

You're like a Wendy's. The drive through is open till 1am or later.

A good friend will say: "I love you!" (In a sarcastic tone) A best friend will say: "I love you, you f***in' b****!"

What did the little black boy get for his birthday? Your bike.

Why does it take 3 women with PMS to change a lightbulb? BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, OK!!!!