Famous last words: "Ok, I'm only going to have one..." -- Said the polygamist right after marrying his first wife.

Yo momma is so fat, whenever she turns around--there goes another city. Yo momma is so fat, whenever she sits down she lowers all the prices at wal-mart. Yo momma is so fat, whenever she turns around it's your birthday. Yo momma is so fat, NASA engineers mistook her for a new planet. Yo momma is so fat, it takes 1000 years to design clothes for her Yo momma is so fat, whenever she gets weighed she breaks the scale. You're so fat, I wonder if it's because of yo momma.

You might be a redneck if your dad bought you a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for Christmas.

Yo momma is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it.

Yo momma is like a bus; she's big, doesn't smell very good, and it's only a dollar a ride.

Yo momma is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.

Yo Mama is so stupid, she bought a video tape on how to fix your VCR!

Yo mama so poor, she has to chase down the garbage truck with a shopping list!

yo momma is so old --- she knew Burger King when he was a prince! yo momma is so poor --- I saw her banging on the dumpster and I asked her what she was doing and she said "My kids locked me out!"

Best Friend to Former Fat Guy: Hey man, you're looking good. Looks like you lost lots of pounds. Any secrets? Former Fat Guy: Eating dates. Best Friend: Oh yeah? I've read that compared to other foods, dates have the highest anti-oxidant values. How much and how many times a week do you eat dates? Former Fat Guy: Oh just one date every week-end. I eat first before I fuck.

What do you call when god takes a crap? Holy shit!

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian ways. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!! One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief says "You taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!" The missionary replies says, "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occur